In The Darkest Hour

Part One - Chapter Eleven: Heart to Heart

Gerard took a deep breath as he stood outside Isla’s bedroom, he knew that Milan was staying with his parents for the weekend to give the brunette a break after what had happened and he wished to speak with her.

Gerard knew what he had done was stupid and he would never forgive himself for turning up at the hospital drunk; he didn’t know what he had been thinking drinking that much.

Knocking on the bedroom door, Gerard waited until he heard Isla call him inside before he entered; he peeked around the small room curiously since he had never been inside.

“What can I do for you Gerard?” Isla asked from her place curled up reading a book, she looked to Gerard already knowing that he had wanted to talk about.

Gerard had been pretty quiet since the hospital incident and Isla wondered if he truly understood why he needed to get better; his drinking would only end up destroying his life and ending his career.

“I wanted to apologise for the other night, I shouldn’t have let things get that far,” Gerard said standing awkwardly, he had no idea what was going on with him anymore and he hadn’t meant to get that drunk.

Gerard could barely remember most of the night and Lionel had been forced to explain to his friend what had happened; he was disgusted with himself for how he had acted.

“You shouldn’t have,” Isla agreed putting her bookmark into her book and closing it, she sat up from her beanbag and watched Gerard; he needed help and she wasn’t good at things like this.

Isla remembered the dark hole she had entered when she had lost Louis and it had taken a lot of work to save herself from going down the path that Gerard had.

“I don’t know why it happened,” Gerard whispered shaking his head, he hadn’t meant to drink so much but as soon as he had started he had found it hard to stop.

“How did you cope when you lost your fiancé?” Gerard asked looking to Isla, he wished that he was as strong as her and he knew that he was going to have to pull himself together; Isabel would be so ashamed of him right now if she could see what he had become.

“I didn’t… I locked myself away for three months before I realised that Louis wouldn’t want me to do that,” Isla replied shaking her head, it had been hard and it had taken her time to grieve for the future that she had lost but she had slowly moved on with her life and focused on nursing.

Gerard sat down on the edge of Isla’s bed, his blue eyes watching her knowing that he could never be as strong as she had been; she had moved on with her life and always seemed happy.

“It’s okay to hurt Gerard… it means that what you had was real,” Isla reassured him, she didn’t want to see Gerard throw everything away when he deserved to have happiness in his life; Isla was sure that it would all be okay.

Gerard closed his eyes, it had been six months since Isabel had passed away and he didn’t know how he had managed to make it this far without her; he had wallowed so much in her death and focused himself on finding the person that was responsible for her death.

“Does it ever get easier?” Gerard asked softly, he wished that he had some way of coping with all of this and he was going to have to find away; he didn’t want to lose Milan since he knew that was going to happen if he didn’t get his act together and quickly.

“No… but you learn to cope,” Isla whispered messing with the rose gold-plated sterling silver flower necklace that lay around her neck, she had taken to wearing it more now since she had started to work for Gerard.

Gerard watched Isla, he had never really paid much attention to her before and when he had spent time with her she always seemed to know what she was doing; he swallowed seeing a sadness come over her.

“Was it a gift?” Gerard asked nodding at the rose gold-plated sterling silver flower necklace that she was wearing, he had never seen it before and he guessed that it had been a gift from Louis.

Isla looked at Gerard, she was surprised that he had even noticed that she was wearing the necklace; she had only recently put it back on after so long.

“Louis gave it to me before he passed away, it was a birthday present,” Isla said her voice cracking a little, it had been the last thing that she had gotten from Louis and it was the thing that she had treasured the most.

Isla couldn’t bear to look at anything else that had come from him including the engagement ring that he had spent years saving up for; most of the items were stuffed into a box into the back of her wardrobe so she could keep them close.

Gerard watched Isla brush away some stray tears, he slowly got up from the bed and moved to wrap his arms around Isla in comfort; he finally understood completely why his mother had hired Isla as Milan’s nanny.

Isla wasn’t here just to look after the little boy, she was also here to show Gerard that it could get better and it was okay to grieve over what he had lost; he closed his eyes feeling himself start to break down as well.

***

“How do I get better? How do I get past all of this?” Gerard asked softly watching Isla move around the kitchen, the two had stopped crying over their losses a little while ago and they had gone to the kitchen for some lunch.

Isla paused from making herself a hot chocolate, she wasn’t entirely sure what she could do to help Gerard recover even more from what had happened but she did know someone who could help him.

“I think maybe you should speak to someone,” Isla started moving to collect a small piece of business card that was in her cream slouch buckle cross body bag that was sat on a nearby counter; she had left it there and forgotten to move it.

Gerard watched Isla move, his stomach turning at the thought of speaking with a therapist; he had refused to see one when his mother had tried to make him go.  

“I spoke to her when I lost Louis… she was a lot of help and still is,” Isla advised softly moving to give the card to Gerard, she knew he didn’t want to speak to anyone but Ariana was good at helping bereaved people and it would be good for Gerard to speak to someone.

Gerard turned the card over in his fingers, he wasn’t completely sure about this but if Isla thought that it would help then he would give it a try even if it was only one appointment.

“Why do you always drink hot chocolate?” Gerard asked turning his attention back to Isla who was sipping on her drink, he had never seen her drink anything else and he had been meaning to ask for a while.

Isla blinked looking to the footballer, she had been expecting him to say something just not that; she set down her mug and chewed on her lip a little self-conscious.

“I don’t like coffee or tea,” Isla admitted with a shrug, a lot of people thought that she was weird for not liking them and instead favouring the chocolaty drink; her dentist was always telling her off since it often stained her teeth.

Gerard chuckled and nodded his head, he slipped the business card into his pocket with a mental note to call later to make an appointment; he wasn’t going to mess around anymore especially so close to the start of a new season.