Scars Never Fade

Chapter 17. Do You Remember?

•Scarlett's POV•

"Thanks for helping me today." I said sincerely to Jason and Melissa, as I finished packing the rest of my clothes. They decided to take the day off from school to both help me. I was still shook up about the fact that I'm staying with Harry and Anne. Jason and Melissa probably noticed because they spoke up

"I know you don't want to do this Scar, but it's best for you, an orphanage home is definitely not an option." Jason said,

"You know I'd take you in, but my parents won't allow it." Melissa said, looking down,

"My parents too." Jason said, also looking down, I couldn't take it anymore, I felt so guilty, I didn't mind them not being able to take me in, it was fine honestly!

"It's fine guys, honestly, it doesn't bother me!" I said smiling, trying to brighten up the mood. Valerie was down stairs, gathering her toys, and belongings, she, to my surprise, is actually super excited to move into a new house, and especially because it's almost Christmas time, she's really hyped. I still have to buy my gifts for her, and luckily for me, school ends in a week for the Christmas holidays, therefore, allowing me a perfect opportunity to get something for Anne, Gemma, and ... Harry. They're letting me, well Anne's letting me stay at her house, and I don't want to be a burden or anything. But i don't know what to get Harry. Maybe i should get him a dictionary, he really needs one, or even...

"Scarlett, are you there?" a voice asked, snapping me out of my thoughts, i looked up to see Melissa and Jason looking at me with intent eyes.

"Hmm?" i managed out.

"We're leaving now, we'll see you tomorrow, and catch up on everything, okay?" Jason remarked.

"God, Jason, you sound like a girl!" We laughed lightly as they both got up, and left. I looked around the house once more, I felt so lonely, you know? Imagine walking alone down an endless pathway, with only pain and emotional suffering as you continue the search for happiness and comfort that you hope to find with friends. But in my case, you're searching for an end, something to end all. After my supposedly best friend, Harry, left me, I became very lonely because I never knew anyone, and was ignored by almost everyone in school. I would just stay buried into books, my art, or music, and slowly but surely, I was becoming a depressed "Freak". Loneliness depressed me because it made me jealous of people who weren't lonely, made me sad, and therefore, made me lose my confidence. Harry was always my friend, the one who got me the best, we know more about each other than Alicia and her friends ever did. Yeah I'll admit that I missed having Harry as a friend, often times I'd think, 'What happened to my old friend'? Loneliness made me jealous of people who weren't lonely because I thought that I didn't deserve this kind of cruel treatment. I pictured myself as a very kind, caring and loving person and it came to me as a shock when people didn't recognize that right away, and thought of me differently. I remember one day while I walked down the street alone obviously, I saw three friends going to the movies. Seeing this, I remembered the good old days when Harry and I used to go an hour early to the movies and just laze around... When we went for the movie, we would annoy the audience by screaming out nasty comments before being kicked out of the cinema. I chuckled as I remembered that memory, but I shed a tear, missing the old days, but quickly wiped it away so that people wouldn't think that I was "weak". Jealousy roared within me like hot lava waiting to erupt. I envied everyone around me, including the ones that never did anything to me. I remember another time when I was wandering in the park alone, I had an outburst of anger, and started screaming at God, asking him what I had done to deserve this harsh treatment. It wasn't my fault that I was shy and reserved, and just a bit different from everyone else. Jealousy took over my world and my soul, leading to sadness. Loneliness made me sad because I felt like I was all alone in this world, with no one caring about me. I felt like I was an ant lying in the middle of the vast desert, with nothing but land surrounding me. Sometimes I just felt like ending this miserable life, but I kept thinking about what Valerie would do without me. Jealousy led to sadness, because after a period of time, I felt pathetic and was ashamed of envying other people. Therefore, I tried to hide from loneliness, not realizing that I was only getting pulled into the dark and isolated world of loneliness. Loneliness made me lose my confidence, because I found it harder to approach people and introduce myself, or even talk to people that I already knew, because Alicia and her 'group' made everyone think i was some sort of deformed human being. I lost confidence because I was scared that people would think that I was a sore loser and feel pity for me. What's the point of having friends when they only like you cause they pity you? Sadness lead to a loss in confidence, because the sadder I got, the more I would cry and lose self esteem. When I was writing an essay in class about loneliness, everyone started telling me that I should be able to write a lot about loneliness since I have been lonely, and that I don't have any friends. This made it even worse for me, and my confidence was on a down hill roll. Loneliness made me jealous of people who weren't lonely, it made me sad, and hence, made me lose my confidence. The more you try to run away from loneliness, the more you get absorbed by it. Loneliness comes like rain. It can be stormy or mild, but eventually it fades away, leaving you with sunshine of friends that wipe out darkness. Which i was in right now. I walked over to the kitchen and looked at the wall behind the counter. I saw a little butterfly picture that I drew when I was 11, before all the abuse started from my father. That little drawing meant so much to me, and it held a lot of meaning.