Under The Mistletoe

Part 18

Tiny Kisses

I accepted the cup of tea, happy to have something to do with my hands and my mouth. I sipped my tea while Avi's parents filled us in on how extended the family was doing. I just sat and listened. It wasn't long before Mike asked Avi if he wanted to go for a walk. I had been around long enough to know what that meant. I hoped our secret remained one.

I set my cup down. Put my hand on Lizzie's back and leaned down to steal a tiny kiss. I did it without thinking. It caught me by surprise. "Uh, I'll be back." I grabbed my water and followed my dad.

"That's a first."

"Tell me about it. I'm just as shocked as you are. I mean, it felt natural and right. I didn't think. I just did it."

The look my dad was giving me was priceless. I just shrugged.

Shelly smiled, I blushed. She set her cup down and cleared her throat. "I saw the picture of the Christmas tree you posted. It's beautiful. It's at Avi's." I swallowed. "It is. We decided we only needed one and it would look better at his place with the fireplace." It wasn't a lie. She squeezed my hand.

"I am so happy he found you. You are so good for him."

"Clearly she means a lot to you."

"Yes. This is very different than anything I've ever felt."

"Good. Your mom says that Lizzie posted a picture of a tree and it is clearly at your place."

"We are sharing one and figured my place was the best place for it." I play everything close to my chest. If he didn't ask me a direct question. I would not volunteer the information. He gave me the look that said he knew I was withholding info.

I was beaming. "He has been good for me too. It's like no relationship I have ever had before. I love him." Shelly continued to hold my hand and she looked like she was going to cry. I changed the subject though. "Did you need any help with dinner?"

"That would be lovely. I'll be making Avi's favorite dish."

My dad stuck his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet for a bit before meeting my eyes again. "Is there anything you wanted to tell me, son?"

"I really love her?" I knew I did but it came out sounding like a squeaky question.

He chuckled and shook his head. "That's a given son. I'll let you keep your secret for now. When does she get to tell her family about you?"

I fought really hard not to roll my eyes and growl at the same moment. I might be a grown man, but My dad can still scold me into submission if needed. My hands went straight to my hair. "I know it is not fair. But Dad. It scares me so much and after all of that shi-stuff I went through and knowing somehow that it wasn't about love or the relationship at all, but status and reputation. It's so hard for me to shake that overwhelming stupid as-, um unreasonable misplaced fear. I mean how do I protect her from the stupid stuff I've done stuff that people are going to throw at her if they find out." My hands started moving of their own accord and my pitch rose as well as tempo. I was talking fast again. Big brown eyes calmed me like I was still a little kid.

His big hand found itself resting on my shoulder and squeezing it. "She's a big girl, son. I know you want to protect her, but the strongest relationships have partners that stand side by side, not one in front of the other. She knows what she signed on for and she is so strong. Give her some credit and a little bit of trust. It's been what, six months? How would you feel if you hadn't told us after six months?"

"I hadn't planned on telling you when you found out."

He shook his head again. "How would you feel if you had no one to talk to about her for that long?"

"That is not a fair question. I mean I get what you are saying, but I don't think that applies to me. I haven't actually told anyone. I get it though. She is out here, separated from her family and she can't even call home and tell her mom, well she can, she can't call me by my name. I am not missing that point. I haven't missed it the last twenty times you threw it at me."

I smiled at her and followed her into the kitchen. "Are you going to make latkes?" I had done some reading into Hanukkah and I knew they were traditional.

"Yes, and I have some cookies already made. We'll have a nice meal. Let's go and get that started. Do you enjoy cooking or does Avi do it?"

"I'm not very good at it. He is teaching me things, but he cooks 95% of the time. He is amazing at it. I'm kind of surprised I haven't gained weight since I met him." I laughed. She was so easy to talk to.

"Really? How often does he cook for you?"

Uh oh. I might have gotten us in trouble. "We eat together just about every night. He knows my kitchen just as well as he knows his own. He even helps me order groceries."

"He does? I guess he's learned a lot being out in the world. He could always cook, always found his way around the kitchen, couldn't for the life of him navigate a grocery list. He's always had a knack for breakfast."

I felt like I was being baited. Should I affirm that? I played with my fingers. "He is good at making breakfast, but he's never made me anything I haven't liked."

My dad let out a long breath. There was quite a bit of silence between us as we walked. "I know you haven't missed that point, Avriel, but I do think you need to put yourself in her shoes. At least a little bit. This one is special, she isn't like the others."

"I know that Dad," I snapped without thinking. "I'm trying. I want to trust the people that she trusts. I want to believe in them as much as I believe in her, but I can't, all I can do is keep trying. My whole damn life depends on it all going well. What if I screw things up? She is not a rash person, but what about them? I can't go around putting nondisclosure acts on everyone we know to protect this image that people have of me. I'm far from perfect, but don't seem to be allowed to make mistakes. Nothing, nothing has ever been more important to me than those two things. Keeping the trolls away from her so she doesn't have to defend me and herself for being with me and protecting some part of that image so I can earn a living."

My father wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in tight. "I know your road is not easy, but you can lighten your load a bit when you walk that road together. Think about it, please."

"You're talking like this is forever, it's only been 6 months." I sighed as that thought washed over me, of course, I'd been there before but as I thought back, I realized that I really hadn't. I looked at my dad wide-eyed and amazed. "It's only been about six months. It feels like years." I paused and just stood still. "Oh!" A slow warm smile crept across my dad's face. "I don't want to argue with you. We can't hide forever, that is true, but you know I want to, but then again I don't, I can't do what I love hiding. My past is horrible, but she knows it. I told her most everything and she's still here."

"You know what to do. Faith is an amazing thing son."

"Yeah, I wonder if," I interrupted my own thoughts, "she mentioned it here, being able to tell her parents, her brothers. it obviously bothers her, she's nervous and babbles a lot when she is." I looked at him again. "I have to plan this. It's a side effect, a remnant of my days in PTX." I got really excited and bouncy. I started tapping my dad's shoulder as the ideas formed in my head. "I can give her that for Christmas. It would be in keeping with the spirit of giving. We could facetime her family on Christmas morning! She'd LOVE that. Dad, Dad, DAD! That's it. I don't have to give her things. I can give her that."