Under The Mistletoe

Part 21

Conversation

"I am so very sorry. He asked me point blank and you told me not to lie." I reached for his hand and started to cry a little. "I never wanted you to get in trouble."

"It's not like I didn't know that they would figure it out and it's not that you told my dad. It's more than I told my mom but didn't tell her beforehand. She hates secrets as much as I hate lies. She's upset now, but she'll cool off. Don't cry. Please don't. I'm not a little boy anymore. Dad will talk to her." I pulled her hand up and kissed it. "It'll turn out fine, trust me."

"Okay." I wiped my tears away and squeezed his hand. "I love you so much. Thank you for this experience. It really was wonderful." I settled in my seat and prepared for the drive home.

"Talk to me for a bit before you fall asleep?"

"Hmmm." I thought for a minute. "Did you have a nice talk with your dad earlier?"

"When we went for a walk or outside the car?"

"When you went for a walk."

"Talks with my dad are always good unless I get a lecture. Yeah, I still get them. He gave me one tonight but helped me resolve the reason for it too, so that was nice. What did you and my mom talk about?"

"You mostly. I think she was baiting for me information without asking directly. It was nice though. I got to talk about us fairly openly. How did the conversation go outside of the car?"

"The usual. A gentle lecture, me defending myself and him seeing my point. Well, that part isn't normal. Normally dad is right. More life experience. God don't tell him I said that."

"Your secret is safe with me." I giggled a little. "My parents wouldn't even blink if I told them I had moved in with a guy. My brothers would do their macho brother thing, but they would easily come around."

"That's pretty cool. Sorry mine are oddly traditional. Dad told me not to get you pregnant. He didn't think we could keep mom above ground if we did that out of wedlock." I chuckled. "I think My dad is crazy."

"He's just concerned. Good thing our birth control method is practically fool-proof. There is nothing wrong with traditional. As long as there is logical in there too."

"What do you mean practically?"

"Well nothing is 100%, but this is the closest you can get. You don't need to worry. We are good." I patted his knee.

"Okay. What else did you and mom talk about? Anything in particular?"

"She may have helped me figure out what to get you for Christmas."

"Funny. Dad did the same for me." The drive was winding down and I got quiet thinking about that gift and how I was to going to present it to her. I was also struggling with the fact that my mom was actually pissed. A rarity indeed, but it happens. I was doing the very thing that people do when they think they are entitled to something. Mom is very much "honor thy parents" Dad is a little more relaxed but despite his gentle words, he was upset with me too. I suddenly felt emotionally drained, between my parent's disappointment in me and Lizzie's constant reminder that I was denying her something she needed I was going to break. I figured that she just didn't know that she was doing it. The comments were so offhand, but they dug at me. I wanted to cry, scream and hit something immovable so I could release the frustration that had built up in me. I sat quietly and watched the road instead.

He got very quiet and it didn't seem like he wanted to continue on with the conversation. I wasn't the biggest fan of this Avi. I knew if I asked what was bothering him, he would avoid the question. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep holding his hand.

Eventually, I needed both hands on the wheel so I slipped my hand out of Lizzie's and fell deeper into myself. At some point, I felt tears hot on my face, but they were just there and not enough to block up my sinuses or have me choked up if I needed to talk. They were just tears, they still hurt though. I safely navigated us to my place and put the car in park. I seriously contemplated dropping her by hers first, but quickly dismissed that errant thought. I hadn't lied to my father. I didn't want to sleep alone. I wanted Lizzie by my side, maybe forever. That seemed impossible, I was sure to screw things up likely starting with Christmas. I sighed. "We're here."

The sound of his voice shook me out of my sleep. It sounded off, but I let it go. I felt the tension coming off of him. It was time to play the waiting game to see if he would let me in on what was going on in his head.

"You ready?"

"Ready? Ready for what?" I was minorly confused.

"To go inside? Are you still asleep?"

"I'm awake. Yeah, I'm ready." I gathered my things and let him lead me inside. I put my gift bag under the tree and continued down the hallway to his bedroom. I went to the bathroom and changed into my pjs. I was curious if he even wanted me here tonight or not.

I put my gift under the tree and set up the Menorah in its rightful place, then locked up, washed up and went to bed.

I was in bed by the time he made it back to the bedroom. He didn't say a word as he went into the bathroom. I rolled over and faced the wall. I couldn't stop the tears that slipped down my face as I lay there wondering what I did.

I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around Lizzie as much as I could and snuggled into her back. I kissed her neck, "I love you." I snuggled in closer and sighed. "I need you here with me," I whispered quietly to her back. "I feel safe and happy with you in my arms and waking up tangled with you." I wrapped as much of myself around her as was humanly possible and refused to let her go, "Go to sleep. I'll be with you in the morning," then struggled to follow my own advice. I wasn't unaware of her tears, I just didn't know how to address them so I didn't directly. I just gave her my love and honesty.