Under The Mistletoe

Part 23

Don't

"Please don't do that?"

"Do what?"

"I haven't kept you tucked away from anyone. I haven't met up with anyone from Aca for anything casual and just fun since we started dating. I've been pretty focused on you and us and not too worried about them." I undressed as I spoke. I kept my voice low and soft, it didn't need to be any other way.

"Sorry, poor choice of words. I love watching Shams' stories on Instagram. He looks like fun."

"There were a lot of fans there this year, You'll love him. He's crazy fun. I hope he wants to hang for lunch. I'll see how he's feeling and is free." The water was hot as usual and I shied away from it as I got ready to wash her. "Want to do that?"

I nodded and let him wash me. "Just give me a call and let me know where and when."

"Will do." I took my time washing her and adjusted the temp of the water when it was my turn.

I took my time washing him. I may have teased him a bit in doing so. I gave him a good scalp massage as I washed his hair. I left him to condition it and got out of the shower. I grabbed 2 of the new bath sheets and left one behind for him. I sat on the edge of the bed and took my time dressing. It wasn't very nice, but I wasn't feeling very nice.

I dried and headed into the bedroom to get dressed. I grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I could always change if Sham actually wanted to go out, if not I was hoping to meet Lizzie for lunch. I looked at her. Where I dressed for comfort, she hadn't. She didn't appear to be dressed like she normally was either. I just stared unable to put my finger on what I saw that was out of place.

I put on a fancier black lace bra and panty set with some rainbow knee socks that made my legs look amazing. I had pulled out a pair of my tightest fitting jeans and a sweater that exposed my midriff when I raised my arms. After I was fully dressed, I spent some time pulling my hair up into a ponytail. I caught a few glimpses of him as he watched me dress. His expression was a mix of want and confusion. I smiled to myself and headed out to the living room to grab my sneakers.

I followed her to the living room and set my computer and headphones down. "That's an odd combination of things."

"Hmm. What do you mean?" I knew exactly what he meant, but like I said, I wasn't playing nice.

"Is this that moment where my mouth gets me in trouble?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. I was skating on thin ice, but sometimes you just gotta push those buttons. It wasn't serious and it would blow over, but I wasn't super excited with the way the day was playing out, and he was still keeping something from me. "I'm just running errands and getting out of your way so you can watch audition videos."

"You are never in my way. You ought to know that. Are you wanting to argue? I really don't want to, there should be nothing to argue over. Is there something bothering you?" Patience is my strong suit, it also gets me in trouble with more volatile personalities. Lizzie's personality hadn't been volatile, I couldn't imagine it changing, then again. I didn't imagine other personalities changing, but they did. I sighed then held my breath.

I sighed and crossed my arms. "It just feels like we have been on two completely different pages since last night, and that isn't us at all. I still feel like you aren't telling me something, and that isn't us at all either. We haven't reconnected yet, and I thought we would do that this morning. Instead, you pushed me to spend time with someone I can't be 100% honest with. I am looking forward to seeing Lisa, but I have to watch what I say. I'm sorry if that keeps coming up, but it's not easy, and the last thing I want to do is cause you any trouble." I took a deep breath. Even I didn't realize that much stuff was bothering me.

My hand went straight to my hair and I took a long slow breath. "Okay." I paced a bit in the small space of the living room and stopped to look at the tree then back to Lizzie. "I don't feel like we are on two different pages. I know what you want and you know what I don't. That hasn't changed, yet. I don't feel entirely disconnected from you either. I'm sorry you cried last night. I wish you didn't, but I didn't have any words to offer you so I just held you close because that is where I hope you want to be and where I need you to be. That seems to be the case." I was fighting to stay calm and not let my past invade us. I kept my distance because it was easier to think when I wasn't touching her. "So far as being honest goes, I have never asked you to lie. Yes, you have a boyfriend. Yes, he doesn't want his name shared with the world. Yes, that sounds pretty bad, I know, I'm sorry, but if you understand my reasons then that is all that anyone needs to know at this point in time. If they need that little detail then maybe they are asking you for too much. You can talk about your boyfriend. His name is My boyfriend for the time being. I already know that I am asking you for a lot more than I am giving, but I'm trying real hard to give you that. You can't say that you didn't already know that I am this way. If it were so simple I would do it. I would do it without a thought and in a heartbeat, but it's not easy. Not by a long shot. I am grateful for your patience with me and I can sense that it is wearing thin, just hold on. Don't lose your patience. I require it. I cannot change that." I sighed again and moved closer to where I wanted to be. "Look, Lizzie, I'm not trying to shuffle you off on anyone. I am looking forward to some quality alone time with you and a nice dinner maybe in, maybe out. I hadn't decided yet but wining and dining sounded like a damn good time after having to be apart."

At times he made me feel like I was being unreasonable, but he had no clue what it was like to be on the normal side of this type of relationship. "You have my patience for as long as you need it, I may just need to vent about it from time to time. This is the longest relationship I have ever been in and as you know, you are the only one I have ever loved. I know you love me too, it's just sometimes I feel like you have all of the say so and I just have to go with it. I know that it really isn't that way, but I can't change the way it feels sometimes. I don't want to argue with you, I really don't." I sat down on the couch. I didn't feel defeated, just drained.