The Bad Boy's Girl (COMPLETE)

Confessions, Confessions

     I rack through my numb brain, but can't find a single reason why I feel weird around Amir. This delivery has gotten me going crazy. Asher is the wailer, while Inaya is the more screaming type. It sucks to have them both crying at the same time.

     Its been a few days, and I can't stop having pain in my whole body sometimes, or just weird numbness. I feel really exhausted at times too.

     Just then, something catches my eyes. I had made Bhai promise he would take a picture of me just after my delivery, to see how I looked. And there in the picture, there was Amir. But he had his sweater on, his cheeks were flushed red, and his cars keys were in his pockets, slipping out. He looked cold. As .. As if he just came out of the March breeze.

      What is this supposed to mean, why am I examining this so much? And why do I feel a weird sympathy towards him as well? Just then the door opened and in came Bhai. I swiped the picture quickly underneath my white pillow.

    "Asalam!" He greeted me, with all the enthusiasm in the world. I smiled, and fixed up my sleeve."Wasalam"I replied. He brought me a croissant with a cup of juice.

    "Hope you enjoy," he winked, then left the room. Last night I had thrown a fit because my head was hurting and everyone was in my room. I didn't mean too throw a fit, but everyone rushed out.

     I sighed, rummaging a hand under my coral hijab which was wrapped without pins, but covered my hair fully. After swallowing the hard food, and drinking the juice, I put it at my side table. I then examine the picture again. Something clicks. He's come late.. But why? Because he wasn't with me! I remember now.

       He wasn't with me, because I was at my old house. My parents house. I was there when my water broke. Then it comes rushing back to me.

      Holy crap.

   The huge fight, the way he nearly slapped me, Mina being scared. . .

     See what joy can do to you? Heal the scars, temporarily until you find the true meaning. Joy is great, and sometimes the past fights get covered up.

     Just then, Amir came in. Soft knocks filled the room, and he slipped in. My heart heated fast like drums, and I tried to push the picture back. But I was too late. Amir knows me too well. He raced to my side, picked up the picture, and his eyes softened. "I'm sorry."

    His eyes pierced into mine. Glassy, pleading. I can't be mad. Not much longer. Those days I wasn't mad, just sad. And disappointed. Because you can't be mad at someone for more than three days. It's bad in Islam.

But a part of me aches for me to not forgive him, for what he has done this time is a thousand times worse than what he's done to me previously. Not only has he been cheating on me for days straight, coming home drunk and smelling of other women, but he also nearly slapped me and got mad at me for catching him cheating on me again. In what way can I forgive him for something like that?

"Annie. Please. I beg you." He whispers. "I can't go on like this. I can't do this. Not without you."

My heart clenches at what he says, but I refuse to give in. What he's done to me is beyond horrible. Every time I think of that night, I feel like my heart shatters into a million pieces again. Every time I relive the moment where his hand was about to connect with my cheek, I want to scream out in agony, to sob, to cry. To ask Allah. Why? Why me? Why did you have to choose me to tame this monster? Why?

"Do you even realize what you did to me, Amir? Oh, no. Of course not. If you ever got your head out of your ass you would see that your shitty actions have some shitty consequences. You're not a little boy anymore, Amir. You have a wife, and two kids now. You can't just wake up one day and decide to go have sex with Janet, and then come back and have sex with me, and then cheat on me the next day again with someone different, and then nearly slap me for catching you in the middle of the whole toxic ass cycle. Do you expect me to forgive you so easily after what you've done to me?" I blurt out, anger rushing through my body. He shakes his head rapidly, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.