Hello my beautiful/handsome/wonderful readers! So since I probably won't be able to write and post another chapter today I figured my Christmas present to you would be something a little different! I'm going to tell you a little bit about me and my story but I also wanted you to ask me any questions about myself that you maybe have or just use the comments section to tell me your story or just anything about you that you want everyone to know! And even if you're stumbling upon this after Christmas is already over please feel free to add to this still!
So I'm 18, I was a 2020 high school graduate, and I was in college for like a week and then said fuck this shit I'm out. It just wasn't right for me at the time but who knows I might eventually go back. I'm a barista currently but I might get a second job soon so I can move out because my home life is a little spicy. I literally just got my license this year because I was really afraid to drive lmao. My hobbies include writing, (obviously lmao) singing, dancing, and art. Thats all I can really think of that anyone might want to know but if you think of anything else feel free to ask!
My story with self harm starts in the middle of fourth grade. My parents fought a lot and no one at school actually liked me. I didn't really know what I was doing or why I was doing it at the time because I was too little to process the complex emotions I was experiencing I just knew that there was something wrong and i didn't know how to fix it. So like how a baby cries when they're hungry, thats all they know how to do. They can't ask for food because they probably themselves don't even know that they are hungry they just know something is wrong. But I kept doing that consistently up until right around when I was a freshman in high school. It was stop and go for a really long time but I stopped because someone else told me to, not because I was better. I never really went without injuring myself whether it be physical or mental. There was a time when I tore myself down so much everyday that I felt like I had to hide my face when I walked past people so they wouldn't be forced to look at how ugly I thought I was. Shortly after that point in time i developed an eating disorder. I had always thought I was too fat and in middle school i passed out because I never ate breakfast or lunch but i wasnt really doing that to get thinner i just didnt have time in the morning and i thought that if people at school saw me eating they would think i was fat even though i think its perfectly fine for anyone else to eat. So maybe it started way back in middle school but it got serious around 11th grade. Around that time my then boyfriend of two years broke up with me and I just kinda lost all will to live. I wasnt even trying to starve to be skinny just to die. But i pulled myself out of that thankfully. It was absolute hell but i did it and i'm really proud of myself for that. I'm still not better, somedays I have panic attacks because I think I'm too fat and I still get the urge to cut but I haven't in a long time! (I don't remember the exact date. it hasn't yet been a year but it's been like 8 months i think) I almost gave in the other day but I didn't and i'm also proud of myself for that! But yeah thats the summed up version of my struggles.
If you have any questions or comments feel free to ask! I hope you lovely people have an amazing day <3
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