Life's killing me. Am I born to die?
Clark, you've been with me during those chemo sessions, you kept on cheering me at kahit ang sakit sakit, nananatili akong nakangiti upang hindi ka mag-alala. But there's this one pain that I can't even endure. At hinding hindi mo malalaman kung gaano kasakit yun, kung gaano kasakit ang mawala ka.
Manhid na manhid na ko sa chemo sessions, pero araw-araw akong pinapatay ng luha ko.
Pwede ko ba ulitin yung eulogy ko? Hindi ko man lang nagawa yun dati. Sobrang sakit kasi eh, hindi ka man lang nagpaalam. But now I understood, goodbye doesn't matter, cause you'll always stay in my heart.
"Oh, uminom ka na ng gamot mo. Miss ka na raw ng relaxant mo", biro ni Erika habang nakangiti sa'kin. Tinawanan ko lamang siya at nagpatuloy sa pagsusulat.
"Nga pala, may nagpapabigay ng flowers sa'yo. Sabi ko nga may special someone ka na kaya wag na siyang magtangka na manligaw.", dagdag pa niya bago hawiin ang mga kurtina sa kwarto ko.
"No, it's good actually. Atleast I'm assured that someone wants me to die. It's actually great.", I said while smiling.
Huminga lamang ng malalim si Erika at niyakap ako. "Bakit kasi white roses pa binigay.", saad niya na ikinatawa ko. Pinatong niya ang kanyang baba sa aking ulo.
"He said, he wanted to see you. Kung papayag ka raw.", dagdag niya pa. Humugot ako ng isang malalim na hininga at ipinikit ang aking mga mata. I don't know if I'll be ready. That's why I chose to remain silent.
Clark, naguguluhan pa rin ako. Why did life gave me sadness by taking away the person who is my happiness?
You don't have to answer me. I believe it happens for a reason. I just have to find out if it's a blessing or a lesson.
PS. I'm still honored to be your best girlfriend until the end of your breath.
"Erika, nagparamdam na ba sa'yo si Benzar? Ang tagal mo nang hindi siya kinekwento ah. May nangyari ba?", tanong ko kay Erika. Si Benzar ang boyfriend ni Erika, isa siyang piloto mula sa pinakasikat na airlines ng Pilipinas.
They've been together for seven years at maraming beses na rin na-postpone ang marriage nila. She always cried because of him, I advised her to broke up but she can't. Hindi rin kasi siya mahilig mag-open up kay Benzar at nagre-record lamang siya sa kanyang mini recorder ng mga sama ng loob niya, at ng mga bagay na gusto niyang sabihin kay Benzar.
"Ewan ko ba. He's always busy, at sinasabi niyang magtiwala ako sa kanya dahil para din naman yun sa future namin. Hindi ko talaga siya ma-gets. He's busy thinking about our future eh ngayong present nga hindi ko siya maramdaman. Kahit text man lang.", Erika said.
I just sighed and open her recorder.
You know what? My life's becoming more and more miserable because of this nonsensical love. Nalilito ako, hindi ako nagkukulang sa kanya, he really lacks on appreciating me.
Imagine? Simpleng texts messages lang, hindi pa niya magawa. He doesn't even cherish me, I felt that.
Palagi niyang sinasabing "you're the best woman", but I felt like I'm the worst one because of his actions towards me.
BINABASA MO ANG
Post Scripts
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