Post Scripts

CHAPTER 6

Maybe I lied when I said I'm okay.

"I love it when I catch you looking at me.", Rain said. It was a usual sunny afternoon kung saan wala kaming magawa kung hindi alalahanin lahat ng sakit at pasayahin ang mga sarili. Ewan ko, parang hinahanap na ng katawan ko ang lungkot.

"I was just thinking about something. May naalala kasi ako.", I said as I was sipping a cold coffee. Nakalimutan ko kasing inumin kaninang umaga. Sayang naman kung hindi ko iinumin.

"Tell me about that.", Rain said and brushed his hair. I always admire how clean he is. Physically and mentally. Nakakapogi kapag nakikita mong mentally stable ang isang tao.

"Naalala ko lang na minsan, naging pangarap ko na maka-graduate."

"Oh, hindi mo ba naranasan?", tanong niya habang nakakunot ang noo.

"Nope. I always wanted to feel. Ano bang pakiramdam ng maka-graduate? I've been to school, pero medyo critical ang condition ko before I graduated. So hindi ko naranasang masuot yung toga ko.", I said and shrugged my shoulders.

I have this dream na gusto kong maging succesful while looking at my partner, Clark. Gusto ko maging successful and at the same time, still loving the person I loved when I was on my worst.

Pangarap ko rin na makita kung gaano kasaya ang mga magulang ko habang nakikita akong sumampa sa stage during graduations.

Siguro not everyone deserves to have graduations. I guess.

"Then let's celebrate your graduation.", Rain said. Nakakunot naman ang noo ko at natawa sa sinabi niya. "Para saan pa?", I asked.

"Because you're fighting. We should celebrate because you are the woman you are right now. Kailangan ba successful para masabing na-overcome mo ang isang bagay?"

"Heartbeats are the best blessings to count, Leanne. And I'm proud of you for holding on. Sobrang nagpapasalamat ako dahil nandito ka pa rin.", he added.

I always pray that we get the future that we always talk about having. Sobrang pinangarap kong maging masaya, at bumangon ulit.

"Kaunting tiis na lang Leanne. Baka bukas mas okay na, baka bukas mas magaan na, baka bukas mas kaya na. Always choose to heal yourself Leanne. Maikli lang ang buhay, kaya piliin nating maging masaya.", Erika said and handed me the medicines.

I just smiled at her. You will never be too much for the right persons.

I'm thankful for having friends who see me as enough. Not too clingy, not too sensitive. I was never a paranoid in their sight. Never been too needy for time and attention. Because without even asking, they voluntarily give the things I doesn't even felt I deserve. They always made me feel more than enough.

"Alam niyo guys, kayo ang tahanan ko.", I said to them while wearing the toga that they ordered online. Ang sweet talaga nila.

Tahanan. Mula sa salitang ugat na tahan. Nangangahulugang pagtigil ng luha. Nasan ba ko tuwing humihinto ang luha ko? Nasa tahanan. Nasa kanila.

Erika patted my shoulder. "It hurts until it doesn't. You think it's going to break you, but trust me, it won't. You may not sleep well at night, but you will be fine. You might be numb, but I don't see any difference with being numb and being fine.", she said as she hugged me tightly.

It's okay to felt weird when battles occur. Hindi naman kailangang palaging alam mo ang nangyayari sa pakiramdam mo. Because before you even felt the sadness, it already worn out half of your heart.

One thing that I've learn in life is that, there will be a certain point where people will get sick of you. But it's alright. You might feel sadness with it, but let sadness flow on your body sometimes. Hindi ka naman kalyo para hindi makaramdam ng sakit.

Hindi mo pala dapat gamitin ang kasayahan bilang pang-alis ng kalungkutan. Kusa din yang aalis. Hayaan mo lang.

Nakakapagod ngunit masaya ang araw na ito. Hindi ko muna inalis ang toga na suot ko dahil gusto ko pa ito madama. Habang papalubog na ang araw ay ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at huminga ng malalim.

How can I give up when I'm about to win?

There was this time that I know I was the prettiest in your eyes, there was this time that I believed that I was the most beautiful thing that happened in your life. There was this time that I became your world. There was this time that I became, your paradise.

This will be the post script of my life. But this will never be the post script of my afterlife.