So Soft (Radiodust Story)

Something New?

(Alastors POV)

I took 3 showers that afternoon. The one that morning didn't feel like enough. I was still refusing to look at myself in the mirror.
I continued to do my duties, taking a break every hour or so to just walk around, let my thoughts be free for a bit, before shoving them away for the next hour or so.

I just felt, unclean. Not dirty, but I'd never be back to the level of pristine I held myself to previously. I shook my head furiously, trying to be rid of my thoughts again. Why was I so weird about this? He did ask for consent...

"Do you want to have sex with me?" "Yes."

But that doesn't count, I was drunk, my heat was ending, I was tired, I- I need to stop trying to think of excuses.
As he said, it happened. I can't change that, even if I wanted to. I had to accept it, and anyways, it wouldn't happen again. I would never get that drunk again, not with Angel anyways.

God! I hated this feeling, I was tense, and upset, and, relaxed? Uh I couldn't wrap my head around it. People were meant to like sex, no? And yet here I was, frustrated and tense about it.
"ARRAAAA!!" I slammed my fists on my desk, as Angel of all people walked by my doorway.
"Umm, Al? Are you okay? Seem a bit, upset?"
"I'm. Fine. Angel. Thank you."
"Is this about the whole sex thing?"
"I'm. Fine." Yet my mind stated otherwise, as my static grew glitchy and rough. My head twitched to the side for a bit, but the look of concern on Angels face shook me out of it.
"If ya need me, I'll be there, okay Alastor?"
I didn't get to respond, as he just walked away. But that concerned smile planted itself inside my head, and I didn't get my thoughts muddled for the rest of the day. Such kind words...
Shame he suddenly disappeared in his room all day for the 2 weeks.