Severus Snape A Soul Undiminished

Chapter 44 - Payment

Sirana came in to join Severus at the table for breakfast.
"I brought you something else I thought you might like. I don't know if you've heard already," Severus said.
She sat and looked on the table in front of her. It was a newspaper. Lucius was going to Azkaban.
"What is Azkaban?" Sirana asked.
"Prison. For his crimes as a Death Eater for the Dark Lord. I thought it might make you feel more at ease for the duration. I wouldn't expect it be long-lived though, if the Dark Lord wants him out," Severus said dryly.
Sirana felt so much more at ease with Severus within her sight. She had been so worried about him. She knew he was embroiled in something bigger than she could fathom. As it was, he seemed distracted, as if something was weighing on him heavily.
She looked over at him, asking softly, "Can you share it with me? What's on your mind?"
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A Soul Undiminished—Severus Snape
Severus stood, walking to stand in the middle of the room, standing with his eyes closed. He finally turned to her, reaching his hand out to her for her to join him.
She went to him, and he took her in his arms. "Sirana, I haven't been fair to you. I wanted to safeguard you from any of it. I felt that if I could keep you detached from that part of my life, it would be easier for me to endure." He stood quietly for a moment, holding her against him, stroking her hair. He stepped back, holding her by her shoulders. "When I first met you at Malfoy Manor, I felt your strength. I felt that I needed to ally myself with you. And yet, I could not bring myself to involve you in anything that might put you in danger." He walked away in frustration, then spun back to look at her. "Tomorrow, your grandfather will arrive. He is bringing your wand. Professor Dumbledore wishes to begin your instruction since I will be away. He believes that you will be an asset in defending Hogwarts. I've informed him of how far you've made it under my tutelage, and even of your self-directed learning. I cannot stop this now, nor do I wish to. I've seen you thrive at everything you attempt, and I will not hold you back any longer." At that, he walked into his study.
Severus was not prepared for the barrage of emotions hitting him. He needed a moment to gather himself. He could not tell Sirana about the Unbreakable Vow. He didn't want to hold anything back from her, and he felt regret for not being honest with her about such a serious matter.That was a burden he would have to carry on his own. He began preparing her lessons for his departure. Even though Dumbledore would take over her wand instruction, there were things he wanted her to learn from him.
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Payment
Unfortunately, she had no hands-on practice with potions, but he made certain she had a rudimentary knowledge. It was still several weeks until the new school year began. He didn't want to imagine spending so much time away from her again, but it was unavoidable.
Severus did not want to think about what was really weighing on his mind concerning Sirana. He always knew he couldn't keep her to himself alone. He always knew she had a strength in her that others would see too. And he always knew she was meant for more than either of them could foresee. He turned to see Sirana standing in the doorway to his study.
"Severus," Sirana said softly. "What if—what if I was sent here for a reason? And just as you, what if I have a role to play in this battle of good and evil? If I didn't think it were so, I would be content to live as I have. My life here with you has been fulfilling. I would give anything for it to stay as it is. But you and I both know that it can't. I have seen and heard—and felt—the darkness coming. I am not a Seer, like Professor Trelawney, but I can see this. And from the look in your eyes, I know you do too."
Severus turned away and slammed both his hands down on his desk.
"And what would you have me do?" he cried angrily, leaning with his hands flat on his desk, his head down, unable to meet her eyes. "I too would give anything...and yet, I am forced to give everything! I was willing to sacrifice myself—my very soul. I fear that the universe has deemed my sacrifice unworthy, that it will demand a payment that I am unwilling to pay, and that no matter what I do to stop it, the payment will still be collected."
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A Soul Undiminished—Severus Snape
He straightened, then turned towards her, fire in his eyes. "That is what haunts my sleep. That...is why I choose to remain awake at night—because the night is not merciful." He walked to take her face in his hand. "You are not my possession to give, or to keep, but I cannot bear to lose you. I have seen what our lives could be together, what I could be. And to have that ripped away now..."
Sirana pulled him down gently to her, embracing him, pouring all of her love into him, feeling it returned in their link. She whispered to him, "Our love is eternal, Severus. It is more than either of us. And it will not end with either of us. That is what is in my dreams."
She felt his burden lighten, and a feeling of light and warmth entered their link, emanating to soothe both of their spirits.