Patience

41. Calm

Crying until the water supply system of my eyes starts screaming protest, I finally stop because I am spent,exhausted. Guilt has consumed me and the hurt from being at the receiving end of Hardin's temper, has left energy less . But now also left hiccuping like a toddler because of how I have been weeping my eyes out. But I feel too angry to even move myself for a glass of water. I am just too wound up from the stress of last few hours or may be I feel scared to come face to face with scary Hardin again or even my parent who will no doubt make the situation more complicated given that I have cried to the point of my face being swollen like I have hives.

I might have been too consumed trying to curb my hiccups and sulk at how a good day got ruined, because I don't hear the door open or close back until
I feel the sheets covering my face being whipped away. I am immidiately met with a pair of worried, reddened green eyes staring down at me.

I am momentarily satisfied overlooking the guilty part of my brain. He is guilty for screaming too. Or may be he is angry still.

Well he can be as angry as he wants to be but right now I am in no mood to talk to him. I feel my birthday is ruined right now and I do not want him to scream at me anymore. So what I do next might seem too childish or petulant but I do it whatsoever. I angrily hurl myself entirely to face away and pull the sheets to cover up again. But this time I clutch the sheets tightly against my chest so that he cannot pull it away.

But he exactly does that. He pulls it gently and finding the restraint he huff, " Theresa open up...". His voice is thick yet gentle. Like always. The voice burns me yes soothes me.

" No" I shake my head. Even though my entire head is under the covers I know he can see the movements.

" Theresa, look at me" his voice stern but laced with request. As submissive he can manage to sound under that angry demeanor of his.

" Why? So you can scream some more ?" I mutter hiccuping.

I hear him sigh. That little bit of pained breathe I hear from immidiately makes me want to go throw myself in his arms. But I abstain.

He doesn't say anything else, instead I hear him walk way.
My heart drops. My lips threaten to quiver assuming he has left.

But the assessing the sound of footsteps I know he isn't leaving the bedroom. I am proven right when I feel the other side of the bed dip.

"Please.... Once" he pleads.

That does it. The hurt that was boiling till shimmers down at his tender voice and the guilt seeps back.

This constant battle of guilt and hurts is sending me to trash. I am tired.

I slap away the blanket...

" What?" I ask but find him kneeling beside me with a glass of water.

I travel my eyes between the glass of water and his sulking face for a few times then take it from him and start gulping it down.

I down it within a flash. I never realised before this, how my throat felt like it was blow dried from the constant crying.

Once I am done drinking, he takes the empty glass from my hand to place it down on the nightstand.

To prove a point I hurl back again to the other side and cover myself up with the blanket. My entire self.

A tiny part of me is feeling, he will just leave. A large, large part of me doesn't actually want him to leave. Because the problem is I could be hurt by him till the moon and back yet his presence feels like a balm to all kinds of hurt.