Patience

18. Guardian

I wander around the city, exploring and just killing time in my car for god knows how long, trying to calm my thoughts and emotion. Every now and then a lone tear would fall from my eyes, in remembrance of the humiliation I faced earlier today.

The stark contrast of Hardin's mood swings have been giving me whiplash. It's like a roller-coaster ride I have been forced to sit on and take a ride. One moment he is treating me like I am some precious porcelain doll, then the next minute he acts unbothered, and rude, downright asshole. It's like I don't know what to believe..

But I cannot completely hate him however hard I try. I cannot.
At a corner of my mind feel some wierd about the whole situation. Yes, I was humiliated this morning by his denial, but as the time passes on, and I clearly think, it's absolutely, absolutely confusing ...

I mean; was the way he said that, he couldn't stop his feeling for me was nothing?

I know he was a little bit drunk but now not really. He was had that one glass.

Am I really that foolish, to have thought too much of what he actually said?

Was It only because I tended his injuries?

Did I really over think his affectionate gestures?

Or is it something about this whole situation that I'm not deciphering right.

I hate this confusion. I keep thinking trying to come out to a conclusion. As much as I want to forget him and never look at him. I know I can't.

I keep driving and driving, until I start feeling hungry. The angry growl in my tummy reminds me, I need to eat. So I wander around for a little more until I find a little cafe on the street, opposite to a park. It's so peaceful particularly here in this, otherwise clumsy city.

I park at an empty space and walk inside the cafe. The instant attack of aroma from the caffeine is so welcome.

I order a simple sandwich and latte as takeaway and walk to park to enjoy this piece of serenity amidst the whirlpool of my life.

Locating a small bench I settle there and start devouring the food. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started digging in. I never do. Of courses I would be hungry, it's bloody four in the evening. The last meal I had was last night.

My phone starts ringing....

Steph...

I swipe the answer button...

Me- " Yeah Steph ??"

Steph - " You ok right?"

Me- " Ughhhh !!!!! Steph not this again..."

I groan into the phone....

"I am fine...."

Steph-" Look, no matter how hard you try, I know that look on your face. I have been staying with you for almost half the year Tessa, I know you. I can literally feel the tension between you and Hardin. You left. Before that he left. You think um a fool????? "

I am rendered speechless by Steph's charges. So I do what's best.. I remain silent... Cause the growing lump in my throat from remembering what has happened throughout will make my voice break if I try to reply to her.

" look, I know you don't want to talk about it but I am calling just to make sure that your all right. you know?? "

I nod several times, more to myself than to her. Mainly to make myself believe that I'll really be fine. Because right now I am not fine. I can't seem to shake off Hardin from my mind. I am falling for him harder even when I shouldn't. But then I realise that I am talking to steph on a phone, and nodding wouldn't help, so I managed to speak.