Patience

48.Left Over Family

" Baby please..." I vaguely hear Hardin's request... Just vaguely.... Because everything seems vagues...

I shake my head in a negetive response as I lay crumpled most probably in a fetal position in my childhood bed..... My eyes feel swollen and heavy, but they are open I know. I am focusing on nowhere to be particular. Just somewhere into oblivion searching some pain relief.

That's all I feel. Pain. since I been been in senses. Since I don't keep blacking out.

Pain. Utter, shattering pain.

The pain is just too much.... The information is too much.... The vision which I never thought I will have to see in my nineteen years of life is too much. It keeps flashing in front of my eyes taking me to the deep pit of pain. The fire, the smoke, the ruins. Every vision remain clear like crystal and dauntingly painful.

Carol and Richard Young. My parents. Died of a car blast right in front of me.

This reality and it's consequences which has been seeping in my brains since I came to just enough senses is too much... The reality that the people who loved me the most in this bloody world has been taken away from me brutally is too much. Everything is too much... Even consciously breathing is too much at this moment.

Hardin trying to keep me awake and feed me every now and then, is too much too,right now.... I can't. I don't want to. It's so suffocating that I do not feel like swallowing down a bite of food... I do not I want to stay awake and let reality choke me like this.... Too much..... It is just too much.

If just this piece of information that I my parents are no more in this world is suffocating and choking me to this extent, then I do not want to imagine, how suffocating it might have for them. In that car. There last minutes in that scalding heat...burning them alive...

God no......Please no no no...

The thought brings fresh new tear as I whimper involuntarily, my lip quiver with pain spreading through every fibre of my body with just the thought of how much they were in pain when the fire broke out...

"Tess... Love..... I know it hurts.... But you need something to eat baby.... Please.... Just a little.... " He murmurs very close to my ears, his pal caressing my arms..... But nothing is helping me fill the black hole in my chest....

I do not know how but I still manage to keep weeping, shaking . Even though with the amount I have cried the water supply of my body should have given up by now... I have blacked out, screamed, cried with no sense of day and night.... But it doesn't stop. The pain remains. I keep on crying.... How can I not? My parents burnt to death
In front of my own eyes and I being an awful daughter despite how kind they have have, could do to nothing more than stand there helpless and watch...

"Mummaay ...." I scream standing in front the oven while burn spreads through my little index finger... My cheeks tickle from the stream of tears but I do not bother because my little fingers burn like fire.

I just wanted to help Mom by taking out the roast chicken from the oven. I wanted to show her I am a big girl... I can cook for my dad too.

But the oven is so so hot..... My fingers burnt.... It's so painful. I didnt know is was going to be so hot...

I stop crying a little when I hear my Dadda..

" Princess what's wrong....??" he asks running at me from the stairs. . He immidiately ctouches down to me....., " Baby girl, what's wrong??? Tell dad...." He urges soothingly...

" Oven was hot dada.. This hurts
....." I show him my little index finger unable to stop the sniffles....

" Oh God.... Come up...." He says immediately picking me up on his lap and kissing my cheeks... And walks towards the couch......