A faded memory {Completed}

Ocean Deep Love 4

With Mal gone I ended up drinking myself into depression. Even though she hasn't finalized our papers, she still comes by so I could see my girls. Whenever my girls would come over, I didn't drink any alcohol. It wouldn't be fair to them if I acted unfatherly.

"Daddy, I want snacks." Nyla said quietly.
"Let's go see what Daddy has in the pantry. Chasity, you wanna go grab a snack?"
"Yes! Come on Mama!"

We walked to the pantry and the girls picked out their snacks. I grabbed me a bag of fruit snacks and we went back to the fort they made.
"Roman, you are too big!" Chasity laughed.
"My daddy..." Nyla said looking her up and down.
"I know, I'm a big guy with muscles so I can put boys in head lock." I said making them giggling.
"Chasity, let's sit on Daddy back!" I rolled over and let the girls climb on. "Ok, remember to not put your knees in daddy's back. It's hurt."
"Okay!"
"Daddy what happened to your back?" Nyla asked.
"Sometimes Daddy scratches his back while working out. It's ok." I smiled looking over at Mal making her chuckle. I winked at her and she grabbed my hand.
"I still love you." I said. She didn't say anything back, she just smiled.
"Special delivery for Roman!"
"Daddy!" Joey slid his way into the girls fort and the girls told him to get out. "No Joey!" They giggled.
"Daddy.."
"Let your brother in girls, he's the cool guy." He kicked his shoes off and flopped into Mal's lap.
"Thank you!" I shouted to the Nanny.
"No problem."

The kids played together in the fort, it was full of giggles and their little feet slapping against my back.
I pulled Mal to me and I laid my head on her thigh. "I miss you..."
"You'll be fine."
"But, I'm not Mal."
"I'm still here anyways."
"Yea, but you're not sleeping with me, touching me, putting your cold feet on my back." We laughed.
"I think it's better for us to be apart. Marriage is not for us."
"Then why have you waited all this time to finalize our paperwork?"
"I don't know."
"Please, don't let her get to you...I didn't do anything wrong in our marriage for you to leave me Mal. The way you treated me was wrong. So what if I'm sensitive, I was sensitive for you. I could have said fuck you and kept messing around but I didn't. I gave you all of me."
"I don't want to talk about this."
"Why? Because I'm right." I pulled her down to me and she wrapped her arms around my arm. Her head laid on the pillow as I kissed her. She moved her head away which made me only kiss her more.
"Stop fighting me and let me love you."
"No." She laughed.
"Mommy!" Chasity laughed flopping on my head looking over at Chasity under me. "What you and daddy doing? Kissing?" She giggled.
"I'm kissing mommy, I love mommy." I smiled creeping my hand to her sweet spot. "Stop!" She slapped my hand away laughing.
"Come here and love me!"
The kids found their way on top of Mal and me right between her legs after we laid the kids to rest.

"You miss me?"
"Damn right I do!" She moaned into my ear.
"Come back home, I got you."

-

Even though Mal and I were still married legally, she wanted nothing to do with me relationship wise. I lost her for good this time and I lost myself along with her. I became so depressed I wasn't able to take care of my kids. I would get myself so drunk to the point where I'd blank out. My mental health was taking a toll on me being a father.

"You need to see your son! Get over it and do better for him!"
"It's your fault! I hate you! You couldn't just shut your fucking mouth...You're fired you hear me?! I want nothing else to do with you unless it's my son. But, right now you are going to give me space and let me get my mental health together. I'm not neglecting any of my children, but for the sake of them I don't need them around me like this! So get out of here..."
"Your little wife can't take a joke."
"Why should she Jocelyn!? You think she wanted to fucking hear about us having sex?! Hell she already knows we had a thing! I don't like to disrespect you, I don't like it but you fucked up Jocelyn. It's not right for you to destroy my happiness. If you wanted to get things off your chest then you should have talked to me. If you had feelings for me why didn't you tell me? I..."

"I just want my wife back and you my dear can go to hell. She's not my little wife, she's my world with a beautiful Diamond ring on her finger. Not you for a reason. Because what we had was mutual. We fucked and go."
"Whatever, I got my son my by you..And you know you can't fire me, I'm everything you need in this company." She smirked.
"I was fine before you and I'll be better off without you."
"I can keep my job or else you pay me in child support for a child you won't get to see." She smiled cutely. "Keep the job..."
"There we go Daddy, smart choice." She smiled winking at me "You know what else I want? I would like a daughter. Nyla is so adorbs! Maybe you can give me a little mini me. We already made Joey and he's so handsome. Maybe, Roslyn?"
"You're Sick.."
"No, I'm perfectly fine. I just like to fuck around with you. In many places, especially physically." She laughed. "Listen, I hold a lot power too Mr.Roman." She stepped inside my house shutting the door.
"I miss you, don't you miss me Roman?"
"No, I miss my wife."
She rolled her eyes and scoffed at me. "She left you, so you might as well let me take you for a ride."
"Please get out...I don't want to put my hands on you or anything so I'll just call security."
"I liked it better when you were a little more controlling."
"What does that suppose to mean?"
"Mal made you soft. I'd leave you too if you didn't stick up for me in a moment like that."
"I tried! You guys were fighting like cats and dogs. Everything I do and say just messes up everything Jocelyn. Please, just leave."
"Again, you're soft...I probably would had shut up if you yelled at me. Makes me weak at the knees to see you take control. A drink with me?"
"Whatever, you can have yours on the go."
"Roman, I'm really here because I would like for you to see your son. Also, some words of advice...If you want Mal back you gotta tighten your chest, stop crying, and be the man you were before. You met Mal and now you are like a small child. Where is the controlling, strong headed of my man you are." She tried to grab my hand and I moved away.
"Heads up, you smell like alcohol so wash up, and show Mal that male dominance. Nothing too crazy though, you don't want her to kill you." She laughed and left out.

I didn't know what to do or say after that. My head just hasn't been in the mental state for any of this. Where was Mal during my break down? Who held her when she cried, wanted love, to feel protected? I was...So what if I was sensitive, but when the time was needed I never backed down on anybody. Mal and my babies made me as soft as cotton at the heart.

-

"Daddy!" Nyla jumped into my arms. "Chasity?"
"She's with her father for the week."
"So, our little family is all together."
"Yea, you and Nyla." She smiled.
"Woah, what about us? You can't keep playing with me Mal. I haven't done anything outside of our marriage. Why are leaving me? You know I love you."
"I don't love you anymore."