Coming to Terms

Chapter 5 Sinner

Emily left after we ate breakfast together. Us both having things we need to get done. Cleaning my apartment wasn't as boring as usual. I couldn't stop thinking about Emilys lips on my neck. The memory of this morning goes straight to my core. The heat of her breath and her soft smooth lips gently sucking on my neck. Her beautiful small smooth hands pressed against my stomach. 

I need Emily.

But I know I'm not ready and I'll just freak out.

This isn't fair to her you can't call her.

I ponder of what to do for a few minutes before my eyes settle on my night stand. One year all the girls decided to give each other gag gifts and Garcia got me a dark purple sparkly vibrator. I never used it but I kept it in my night stand in case I ever wanted to.

Opening the drawer I see the little black bag that it came in. I opened the bag and grabbed the vibrator.

After I got comfortable on my bed I turned it on. Feeling the vibrations on my hand.

Should I really be doing this

Isn't this kind of wrong

I move the vibrator under the waistband of my pants and into my panties. First I move it up and down my slit. I can already feel myself getting wet from the feeling. I move the vibrator right by my entrance, not pushing it in yet. Distracted from my racing thoughts.

Would Emily be okay with this

My worries completely stop as soon as I push the vibrator inside of me.

Ugh I don't want this inside of me I want Emily

What am I saying

Remembering how her body felt pressed against mine helped move my doubts and shame to the back of my head.

I pull the vibrator out of me for a moment and press it against my clit. A loud moan escapes my mouth.

"Emily" I moan

Moving the vibrator in a circle I can feel myself get closer to my climax. I add more pressure to my clit the more I think about Emily lips on my neck. I can feel the sweat start to form on my forehead as I start breathing heavier. Adding even more pressure and circling my clit even faster I feel the unfamiliar feeling in my lower stomach.

"Emily!" I moan louder as I reach my climax.

After removing the vibrator from my clit and placing it on my night stand, I get up to use the bathroom.

When I make it back in my bed I cant stop thinking about how many times I was told that it was a terrible thing to do but honestly I didn't care anymore.

Yes you do My subconscious tells me You should care. Imagine what your mother would say, or your priest. They would be disgusted with you, and they should be. This is disgusting. A woman should not be with another woman. It's like the bible says in Leviticus 18:22 "You shall not lie with males as with woman; it is an abomination" Except obviously you're a woman with another woman not a man with another man.

God why can't I be normal. Why did I have to fall for her. Her. I fell for her. That's so wrong. It goes against everything I've ever been taught.

From the ripe age of 3 I've had catholisim shoved down my throat. Any time they spoke of marriage they said it was between of men and women. Never man and man or woman and woman. They talked a lot about homophobia, they made it seem like it was good. My 8th grade year there was a serial killer in my town killing gay people and my theology teacher talked about it during class. She said that they were helping everyone, getting rid of the ill, as if this was a disease they couldn't find a cure for so they just killed everyone.