I wake up to feeling someone's arm around me. Carefully I turn my head to see who it is. Oh god it's Emily I realize. Quickly I turn my head back around and go through the events of yesterday.
I touched myself to the thought of Emily
I felt guilty and went to see father kevin
He wanted to send me away to a conversion therapy
I freaked out and accidentally called Emily as I was driving
Emily made me pull over and stop at the tiny coffee shop
She took me home
I cried in her arms
I told her what Father Kevin said to me
She found the holy water
I cried in her arms again
She told me I was beautiful
She traced my stretch marks and scars and still thought I was beautiful
We took a bubble bath
I-I oh god I touched her I can't believe myself that's terrible. Why would I do that, that's so wrong.
I rush out of bed and get dressed. I don't want Emily to know how I'm feeling right now. I decide to go make breakfast for us to make things seem more normal. I make our favorite pancakes with chocolate chips, of course. Soon after I finish making them I hear my bedroom door open. Taking a deep breath I try to prepare myself to see her.
It's okay Y/n you'll be fine
You can keep this up for a little bit longer before she leaves.
That's exactly what I do. Or try to do. I finish the pancakes before Emily comes out. When she comes out of my bedroom I hug her and kiss her cheek. I so badly want to kiss her beautiful smooth lips but I cant bring myself to. She gives me a slightly worried look as she speaks.
"Are you okay Y/n you look a little upset"
It takes my brain a moment to catch up to reality.
"Y-yeah I'm totally fine I'm uh I'm great. Are you okay" I ask stuttering and basically speaking with my hands.
I know how I must look right now. Worried, anxious, scared, petrified even. Most of those words have the same meaning but they all describe me at this moment.
Emily looks at me suspiciously.
"I'm fine" She speaks very slowly "Are you sure you're okay"
"a hundred percent" I half smile
"okay" she says quietly, clearly not believing me but knowing not to push.
"Sooo" I try to change the subject "Pancakes" I ask genturing to the pancakes on a big plate next to me.
"Always Mon amour"
I smile at the nickname and hand her a plate.
"Thanks baby" She says sweetly
Emily and I both sit at the bar stools pushed under the counter. We eat breakfast in awkward silence. I want to talk about last night but I also want to forget all about it. After we finish I see Emily staring at my purse sitting on the small table by my apartment door. When I look at my purse I see the paper that Father Kevin gave me. All we can see is the name of the church.
We make eye contact for a moment before we both look back towards the paper. Emily, sitting on the barstool closer to the door, bolts out of her chair before I can even register what she's doing. After I had registered what just happened it was too late. Emily was standing in front of me with the green paper in her small thin hands. I slowly rake my eyes up to her face, not wanting to look her in the eyes. Once I finally get the courage to look her in the eyes I see her beautiful brown eyes filled with tears.
"C-conversion ca-" Emily gets cut off with a sob "Conversion camp" she says in a whisper, her voicebreaking as she speaks.
I immediately start sobbing along with her.
"I'm so sorry, Emily" I say, sniffling between each word
Emily's saddness turns to anger in a matter of seconds.
"What the hell, Y/n" Emily yells "Were you actually planning on going" Emily starts spiraling, telling me everything she held back before.
"I-" I try to explain the situation, but Emily doesn't want to hear it.
"NO shut up" she shakes her head "It's my turn to talk" Emily angrily points towards herself.
"I thought we actually made some progress last night, but of course you want to ruin it. You don't actually want this, do you. You just wanted to hurt me. You're actually just a little homophobic asshole that wanted to hurt someone who didn't fit your morals. Maybe you're not maybe you do care about me like you said before, but I doubt it. If you really cared about me you wouldn't do this to me. You're throwing away everything we've worked through just because you can't handle it an-" I interrupt Emily's yelling, completely overwhelmed by everything that is happening.
"GOD EMILY CAN YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SPEAK" I beg while screaming as loud as I can. I know I will most likely receive a noise complaint from my neighbors later, but I don't care right now.
"No" Emily says as her voice finally returns to a normal volume. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to you making up excuses for yourself for hurting me" Her voice is breaking with every word she says.
My heart shatters as she walks back into my bedroom.
"W-what are you doing" I ask, while my voice shakes and breaks
She packs up the few things she had. "What does it look like Y/n" She huffs
"Please don't leave me Emily I need you. You're everything to me." I beg
Emily scoffs and grabs her go bag.
"Au revoir O / n s'il vous plait, n'essayez pas de me contacter dieu je t'aime tellement et je te déteste pour m'avoir tellement blessé, mais je me déteste encore plus pour vous laisser me blesser Je t'aime mon amour pour toujours."
Emily slams my door shut as she leaves. My body goes limp and I fall to the ground sobbing.
I'm all alone again.
Emily left me when she told me she would never leave me.
YOU ARE READING
Coming to Terms
FanfictionA story of finding self love in who you love. Y/n has struggled with sexuality all her life as she was always told liking girls was a sin. When she first steps into the BAU and locks eyes with Agent Emily Prentiss she felt something, but knew she ha...
