Coming to Terms

Chapter 14 Explanation

Spencer holds me in that hug for 20 minutes before he slowly lets go of me. I try to keep him in the hug a little longer but we both know we need to talk.

"Y/n please" Spencers voice breaks as he speaks

I let go of him and look anywhere but his face.

I'm embarassed, I was doing so good. I hadn't self harmed in six months.

"Can you look at me please?"

I don't look at him. I can't its too hard.

"It's okay you don't have to speak"

I feel a sense of relief when he says that. I want to sit in his arms and sob for hours and tell him everything that happened, but I can't right now. I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm here but I'm not.

The only thing keeping from totally losing it is Spencer. He's wearing a botton up shirt.

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I start counting the buttons on his shirt.

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I didn't notice Spencer leading me to the bathroom and sitting me down on the edge of the tub.

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Spencer had gotten cotton balls, salt water, and alcohol out onto the counter.

I hear Spencer say something in a shaky voice, but I cant make it out.

"FUCK" I cry once the alcohol filled cotton ball touches my cuts.

"I know I know I'm so sorry"

Spencer phone starts ringing, he sighs and tells me he'd be right back. He comes back not even twenty seconds later. I'm guessing he turned his ringer off.

Spencer goes back to cleaning my cuts as I let out loud cries. How does this hurt so bad? This hurts worse than the actual cuts I made.

He gently daps a cotton ball filled with salt water onto my cuts. Surprisingly it doesn't hurt so bad. By the time Spencer finishes cleaning my cuts my face and shirt are soaked with tears. His shirt also has a few of his own tears on them.

Spencer turns around and opens the medicine cabinet. He takes out some bandages and holds them up to me. I shake my head no because I know my cuts weren't that deep, but Spencer wraps both of my arms in the banadges.

"The cuts aren't too deep but they will scar"

I let out a loud sob as he says that.

"No no no no no" I cry

Spencer hugs me tightly.

"I know I'm sorry"

He holds my face in his hands gently.

"Look at me"

I shift my gaze to look at Spencer and he smiles slightly.

"Good good now if you put lotion on them everyday, twice a day they have less of a chance of scarring. Also remember to put salt water on them twice a day, before the lotion."

I nod.

He hesitates before speaking. " Do you want me to stay with you for a little while?"

I nod again.