Let It Be Me

Part 12

The second my head hit the pillow in Soda and Pony's bedroom I was instantly asleep. I hadn't slept through the night in weeks and my body just collapsed into a sort of dreamless hibernation for the next nine hours.

I had wanted to stay up when we got to the house. Two-Bit and Steve were there playing cards and the whole atmosphere was so different from what the rest of my day had been. I wanted to absorb it all but my body just wouldn't cooperate. I even tried to pay attention as Darry was setting the ground rules for my living there, but halfway through he noticed the bleary look in my eyes and sent me off to bed instead, letting me know that we could go over it later. I half remembered saying goodnight to Soda, Darry, Steve, and Two-Bit as Pony grabbed an oversized tee shirt out of his closet for me to put on. I don't remember saying goodnight to him. I'm pretty sure I was out cold before he even left the room. The tee shirt was resting on the end of the bed when I woke up and I was still in my jeans.

The first thing I heard was someone clanging dishes around in the sink and, after getting my bearings and remembering where I was, I leaned my head back on the pillow and took a breath. Waking up somewhere new felt like walking into a brand new life carrying a hell of a lot of old baggage. I took a minute to try to unpack all of the bullshit from the day before so it wouldn't feel so overwhelming.

All I could picture was my dad waking up in his jail cell, not knowing if he was ever going to wake up anywhere else. I wasn't sure if I was going to call my aunt and uncle. I just couldn't stomach asking them for money when they were already paying for Aunt Loraine's chemo and Derek was still sitting in jail himself. But my dad saw me as his only hope and I felt the weight of that squarely on my shoulders. If I didn't come through he was going to stay in prison, or possibly die, for a crime that I had to believe he didn't commit. I knew the evidence was damning but I just couldn't go there. I needed to believe in his innocence so a part of me could still believe he was someone worth holding onto in my life. After yesterday I was losing hope.

But this was a new day and I was in a new home. Living with Darry, Sodapop and Ponyboy was something I never saw coming but maybe my freefall was finally coming to an end. Maybe I could find a place to belong.

I knew Darry was risking a lot by letting me stay. They all were. If anyone found out they had taken me in they could end up being torn apart themselves. I felt a humble kind of gratitude for that and I was going to do my best not to bring my shit show of a life into their home. I was determined to bring something better to the table. Whatever good was left in me was what I was going to give them. I needed to focus on the positive.

I had just sat up and stretched when someone knocked abruptly on the door. It was so loud and sudden that I jumped about a half a mile and pulled the covers up to my neck.

"Cal?" Darry called to me from the other side. I dropped the blanket again, half relieved and half irritated, and smiled slightly. Johnny was right about knocking.

"Yeah?"

"Breakfast, kiddo. We're heading out in about twenty minutes." I looked at the clock that was glowing 8 a.m. next to me.

"Heading out?" Darry's voice gradually got softer as he walked away from the door.

"Yup. Sunday breakfast at Ziggy's."

I smiled and stretched again. I guess Sunday breakfast was a thing here. I liked the sound of it. I ran my fingers though my hair just as there was another knock on the door. This one soft and polite. Rather than yell again I slid out from under the covers and pulled the door open. Pony was standing in front of me in a towel holding his clothes from the night before in his hands. It took a second for my jaw to close again and for my conscience to direct my eyes away from him.