Let It Be Me

Part 14

Over the weekend the DX had been swallowed up by a black hole that interrupted the space time continuum and made time drag on in a torturous way. Seconds were now hours. Hours were weeks. I had literally been at work for five months. At least that's how it felt. Maybe I was a little overtired.

Part of the torture of the day was knowing that everyone was already at the house having fun while Steve and I were stuck working. The other part was having to tell six hundred horny women that Sodapop wasn't at work today because he wasn't feeling well. No, he wasn't dying. Yes, he'd be ok. For the love of God ladies, it's just a stomach bug.

Sandy has no idea what she threw away, I thought to myself. Sodapop Curtis was a free agent. Tulsa might never be the same. If he ever got over her that is.

Steve leaned across the front seat and popped the lock on the passenger door for me to get in. His car smelled like stale cigarettes and the pine tree air freshener that was dangling from his rearview. The vinyl seat under me was smooth and slippery from a fresh coat of Armor All and the thick maroon carpeting at my feet was pristine. Steve had a reputation for being sort of cold and uncaring but if there was one thing he poured his heart and soul into it was cars.

"Sorry it's so cold" he said fiddling with some knobs on the dash. "Heater crapped out on me this morning. I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. That damn Olds kept me occupied all day." I rubbed my arms a little and shrugged.

"I'm fine."

I yawned and leaned my head back against the seat while Steve started going over what he thought might be wrong with the car. After a minute his voice became a buzz in the background. I was too distracted to pay attention.

I had put the letter to my aunt and uncle in the mailbox before I left for work and I just hadn't felt right since. I knew at least trying to help my father out was the right thing to do, but telling them that I needed my father home was a lie. So much of a lie that I couldn't bring myself to say it to them out loud over the phone, I had to write it in a letter. It was the coward's way out.

I had to wonder if my dad actually believed that I needed him or if he even thought about what that meant. I needed him, but not for a place to live. Everything that I needed from him he could have given me from that jail cell. But instead he did what he always did. He used me as a means to an end and left me wondering if that's all he thought I was good for. It was gnawing at my insides.

For once, could you just think of someone other than yourself? His words were still on repeat in my head. I saw his face in my mind, his eyes heavy with anger and disappointment. Ok, so I ran away a lot. I drank and smoked and I skipped classes and had detention almost as much as I actually showed up for school. Maybe I hadn't made it easy to be a parent. But I thought of Darry standing at the stove making breakfast and joking around with me and I wondered if he was seeing the same person my father saw when he looked at me. I didn't feel like a selfish trouble maker around Darry. I didn't feel like a means to an end. Darry thought I was responsible. Maybe even a good kid. He didn't think I deserved to be sleeping alone in a laundromat. But Darry wasn't my father.

For a moment I wondered which one of them knew me better and I saw Eva's face in my mind... You see yourself through the lens of your father. Maybe someday, I thought, Darry could become my lens.

"Callie, did you hear me?"

I jumped a little when I realized that voice was directed at me. Steve was looking at me expectantly.

"Uh..." I sat up and rubbed my forehead.

"What's with you tonight?" He asked glancing between me and the road. "You've been off all night." I shook my head and leaned back again, crossing my arms over myself.