Let It Be Me

Part 17

I laid on the bed with my hands over my eyes trying like hell to find the strength to get out of bed. My head felt like it had been through a meat grinder. Everything was spinning and nauseating, I still felt a little like I was in a dream and the pain at my temple was unreal. It felt like something was pushing at my skull trying to get out.

"Pony! Cal! Now!" Darry called out from the kitchen.

"What time is it?" I groaned rubbing my face and dropping my hands back down. Pony lifted his head to look at the clock behind my shoulder and dropped down again.

"Five o'clock."

"Oh my God. Why is he so loud?" He rolled towards me and buried his face in the pillow, shaking it slightly. His eyes dropped shut again.

"I dnt knw" he muffled against the pillowcase.

I opened my eyes and looked over at him, noticing the purple and red welts across his cheek and forehead that had gotten worse overnight. Everything from the night before started to seep back into my consciousness. It all felt distant and hazy. The fight with Danny. The kiss with Johnny. Ponyboy walking past me coldly without a glance. Laughing at the near death experience with Chad. Some of the dreamlike quality of it all was still with me as I fought to break out of the brain fog but the amazing freedom from fear I'd experienced was gone. My stomach tightened a little as I thought of Darry out in the kitchen. I knew I had let him down.

Pony must have sensed my stare and opened his eyes again to meet mine. For a moment we were quiet.

"You ok?" he asked still pressed against the pillow. The corner of my lip twitched in an attempt to grin.

"I think I'm going to die" I said closing my eyes again. "How about you?"

"Think I died somewhere around the time I hit the bottom of that whiskey bottle" he whispered. I smiled a little wider and touched the bandage on my head gingerly, wincing when my fingers trailed over the bump underneath. Pony watched me carefully. I could see the worry behind his eyes.

"Did he do that to you?" he asked, lowering his voice. I dropped my hand back down.

"No" I looked away. "I lost my balance." He frowned and took a breath.

"Lost your balance in Cherry's car?"

"How did you..."

"I saw the blood." I closed my eyes.

"It wasn't Chad" I repeated, not wanting to tell him more.

The part about last night that I didn't want to think about started to replay in my mind. It felt like it had all been a dream but with Pony spending the night at my side I knew it couldn't have been. The tequila breath and the monster with the demon tongue were making sense to me now. I couldn't remember how Chad and I had ended up in the bed in the first place though. Had I instigated that whole thing? I felt a crushing guilt knowing that's where I ended up the same night Johnny and I agreed to give things a shot. How could I have let that happen? I couldn't shake the feeling that I had asked for it in some way.

"You guys ok?" Soda's voice called quietly from the door. Pony lifted his head to look at him and dropped down again. He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Yeah, we're alright."

"I'll get him started" he said motioning to the kitchen. "I have the most to explain anyway." Pony nodded.

"Alright. Be there in a minute" he answered back, keeping his eyes on me. I listened to Soda trudge into the kitchen and pour a cup of coffee. I could feel Pony's stare.

"Cal, what the hell happened last night?" His question made me tense. Part of me started to wish for the freedom those little pills had brought even though I hated what they had done. I swallowed and rolled onto my back.