Almost Everything

Chapter 18 - Carry You

Jackson,

You've been asking me to tell you what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling, but I never tell you. I figure if I write it down and not have to stare at your gorgeous face, I can get it out and finally let you know how I feel about you.

Greece opened a bunch of things that I wasn't ready to deal with, I knew you loved me and cared for me, but knowing that you were in love with me and cared about me, scared me. I have felt this way for what seems like an eternity. I love you, Jackson! I knew I loved you the moment you let me have the last grape popsicle when we were kids. You've always put me first, and I don't deserve it at times, but you do, and I love you more for it.

Our kiss in Greece is something that fairy tales are meant for. With a touch of your lips, I felt whole for the first time in my life. I do believe that you are my other half (the better half). You are my air, my shelter, and my heart. My world spins because you're a part of it. This is what I wanted to tell you on the beach that night. I will never love anyone half as much as I love you.

You're my best friend and I'm scared that we'll lose that if we ended badly. You're all I have in this world and I hold that sacred above anything else. You are better than any Oscar. When I'm with you, I feel safe and loved. With you by my side, I know I can do anything and if I fail, you'll be there to catch me and pick me up.

My greatest dream would be for you and me to find a happy ending with a handful of kids, some cats, and a dog. 

However, that seems impossible right now.

I don't know what would have happened if Ezra wouldn't have shown up in Greece and maybe that's why the saying 'whatever happens, happens for a reason'. Maybe it was a higher power trying to keep us apart.

What I'm about to tell you is going to make you very angry and I'm sorry for that, but I can't keep holding it in because it's killing me.

That night at 1oak, I was ready to go back to the hotel with you and tell you everything I've been keeping from you. I wanted you and I wanted to give us a chance, but then my mom showed up and changed everything. She confessed that she and your father had a two-year affair and I was a product of that. She told me that you and I were siblings. Your mom has no idea about the affair, however, my dad does and that's a secret they have been keeping from me. I'm 95% sure she's lying, but that 5% is too much to risk. I didn't know how to tell you, and I still can't tell you face to face. This secret has been killing me, but you deserve the truth.

Brad and I made up our relationship at first, only because it was the only thing that would stop you and make you step aside. I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend after my mom kidnapped me at the club. I know that you are angry right now, but I'm hoping you'll understand once you finish this letter.

Brad and I never meant to hurt you; I was just trying to keep you safe.

Nate and I took a DNA test about six months ago and found out that we were without a doubt siblings. I thought that would be enough for me to move on and confirm that my mom was lying, but it was not. My dad is still too ill after his bypass surgery to ask. I've wanted to ask you a million times or stick a cotton swab in your mouth while you slept, but I always chicken out.

I guess I gave up the thought of us being together when you came home with Olivia Kiley and proclaimed your love for her. Much like you, I just want to see you happy and I'm glad she can do that for you, even if it breaks my heart.

I love you with all that I am and I'm hoping one day you'll forgive me.

Love your, Ava.

I tuck the letter into the book I brought to read on the plane ride home from Vancouver. I was never going to let him read it, it was just something I needed to get off my chest.

Being away from LA helped me clear my mind.