Greis and Rum (COMPLETED)

8- Move

The wind was blowing right into my face while my eyes sealed tight and my heartbeat at rest—I think I recovered from earlier but from the trauma, I don't know. Maybe I just thought I did. Here in the balcony, the only thing that I can hear was the rustling of the wind passing by my ears and I needed this serenity. I haven't felt this way in so many years; the fright, the dread, the young me. If deleting memories was a thing then maybe now any traces of my past are no where in my mind to be sought not even the depths. Masyado ata akong nalunod sa kwento ni Rumzuell about his parents and his life. Maybe that prompted my inner self from unlocking the memories of my past to answer the questions kung bakit hindi tulad kay Rum ang buhay ko.

Mayaman din naman kami pero iniwan parin ako. Yung nanay niya nakapagtiis para makasama sila pero yung akin unang araw pa lang ata ay hindi na. Kung kaya lang bilhin ang oras ng nanay ko baka nag-invest na ako ng lifetime plan noon. Ako lang din naman ata yung may gusto kasi my Dad didn't show interest. Hindi niya pinabalik ang mama, he never tried and that ruined everything. He had the chance but he let it slide—he let the family that I thought I would have slide down the cliff, letting everything hit rock bottom.

I went to school with kids with the same age around me like others did. Discrimination and bullying isn't an old but also not a new issue pero marami talagang makikitid ang utak sa mundo. Everybody had their own complete sets of parents and treated me like having only one was contagious, like getting near me was contagious. Alam ko lang, bumangon ako isang araw na ayaw nang apak-apakan dahil sa kung anong pagkukulang sakin—I built my self, stood up for me. Truth be told, I despise everything that I can still remember except Bix Tenthro. Nung dumating siya, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ako ang magiging nanay niya at hindi ko siya papabayaan hindi tulad ng pagpapabaya ng mga magulang namin.

"Greis?" I looked at the man who spoke behind me. Nasa pinto pa lang siya papalabas dito sa balkonahe, "Anong problema?" tanong niya.

"My issues are my issues."

Alam kong mangungulit siya but I had myself convinced that I will not give in. Gagamitin niya yun laban sa akin.

"Greis, I want to understand you. I can feel you... Your pain."

Lumalakas ang tibok ng puso ko habang sumisikip ang dibdib, "This is who I am even before you knew me." but how can you feel this huge sack of emotions I am sure I buried 6 feet under a long time ago?

Umiling ako at tumayo para pumasok.

He waited until I pass through him before he spoke.

"Lahat tayo may iniindang lungkot at sakit." Coming from him na hindi man lang nakakakalahati ang buhay ko sa saya ng buhay niya. "Are you looking at yourself, Rumzuell?" I looked back behind me only to see him walking to the balcony where I was a few seconds ago. I met his gaze and felt him travelling along the neurons of my mind, trying to get through the dams I built to keep the emotions from spilling.

"Something's holding you back."

I took a deep breath "Rumzuell. Go home."

"Come on, Greis, you can be happier than this. I can help you—"

"Do you not understand? I don't need your help, bakit ba nagpupumilit ka? I'm not a subject to your obsession. Umuwi ka na." I hope he listens to me this time, sana naman mabago ko ang isip niya at umalis na siya. Akala ko pa naman pagmagaling na ako, babalik na ang sigla ko pero bakit ang bigat bigat lalo? But this time I'm sure it's not coming from any part of my body but from my heart. Ang sakit pero di ko mailabas ang luha. Nakakatawa na matapos ang lahat ng ginawa kong hindi maganda, at the end of the day, my heart could still feel the hurt. Did all the things to be numb, unreachable, callous, and still end up feeling what I supposed was gone.