Dancing in the stars

The ceiling

Selin's days in the ICU were always the same. A nurse went to her room early in the morning to empty the urine collection bag, which, according to Demir, was the best option for her to not have kidney problems due to lack of bladder control. Soon after, the same nurse took her temperature and gave her the medicines prescribed by the doctor. Around nine in the morning another nurse appeared in the room carrying Selin's breakfast, which consisted basically of an oatmeal porridge that had no taste and two pills to facilitate digestion.

Ten in the morning was the time when Nil, the physiotherapist, used to appeared in the room. The first time the doctor had appeared it was Demir who had taken her to Selin's room. He introduced her and calmly explained how physical therapy was the most important part of the girl's recovery process. Demir thought it prudent to leave them alone, as they should get to know each other and become familiar with each other since they would spend a lot of time together.

As usual, Selin's parents were in the room, they wanted to be part of the entire recovery process for their daughter and Nil, just like Demir, had allowed them to follow the first session. Unlike their daughter, Semih and Rayhan asked as many questions as they were allowed. Nil calmly cleared up their doubts and started the physiotherapy session, patiently demonstrating the purpose of each exercise she did in Selin.

The friendly doctor with long brown hair and a youthful face was extremely patient and careful with Selin. In addition, she always found a way to cheer the girl up and convince her that she was making progress in her health. Selin couldn't say whether her words were true or just part of the process of getting her patients to conform to the situation they were in, but she didn't deny that she liked to hear them.

At noon it was time for her to have lunch. Merve was with her at that moment. She had managed to organize her schedules so that she could take Selin's lunch every day. Selin liked to have her friend around, but hated the fact that she needed to depend on someone else to get the food to her own mouth.

The two enjoyed the few hours together and talked a lot about what happened at the hospital. It didn't take long for Selin to learn about how the Istanbul General Hospital worked. It took even less time for her to discover that Demir was one of the names quoted to assume the post of director general of the hospital.

— You were very lucky Selin. — Merve had told her friend at that time.

— I know that, Merve. — Selin had responded tediously. — That's what everyone says.

— Not! No, because I am alive, although this is practically a miracle. — The blonde had tried to explain. — The night of the accident coincided with Demir Bey's birthday.

— Should I be able to understand the connection?

— Demir Bey asla, ama asla, celebrates his birthday. But that night he went out to dinner with his childhood friend at a restaurant next to the Süreyya Opera. If he hadn't gone there, they would have been slow to find you and help you. You probably would have died that night, Selin.

That was the first time that Selin felt guilty for the way she sometimes treated Demir. He was always kind and never took offense at the harsh words that, because she had no one to talk to, she used to hurl against him. That was also the first time that Selin thought that perhaps that story of fate was true. Maybe fate wanted Demir to be around that night to save her, Selin just didn't understand why.

After lunch it was visiting time. Her parents came and spent all afternoon with her. Since other visits were forbidden, Semih and Reyhan had become their daughter's intermediaries with the outside world. Every day they took the kind and warm words of Selin's friends to her.

In the middle of the afternoon a nurse came to bathe her. If it was horrible for Selin to depend on someone to feed her, having to depend on a stranger to bathe was even worse. No matter how professional or understanding the nurse was, Selin would never be comfortable in that situation. She felt as if her privacy was being invaded and nothing they said would change the way she viewed the situation.

Just before dinner time Demir used to show up at the room to see her. So he took on the role of nurses and personally checked on Selin's condition. He was always attentive wanting to know about her day and if she was needed he needed something. Sometimes she wanted to say that the only thing she needed was for them to stop asking her these questions. But, then, she remembered that he was not to blame for the state she was in and preferred to say that he wanted to stop looking at the ceiling.

Of all the things Selin was having to deal with, being always aligned upwards without being able to move was undoubtedly the one she hated most. She was starting to accept that maybe she would never stand on her own feet again, but she really wanted to believe that it wouldn't mean that she would have to spend the rest of her life stucking in a bed looking up.

As soon as Demir turned his back, another nurse arrived to give her dinner, which always consisted of vegetable soup tasteless like lunch. The nurse medicated her and then emptied the collection bag again before leaving the room. Selin couldn't sleep right away, in fact she spent a lot of time looking at the ceiling thinking about how different her life would be if she hadn't suffered that accident.

She saw herself dancing on the stage of the Süreyya Operası in her white ballet shoes, sliding across the wooden floor to the soft melody that came from the orchestra behind the curtains. She could hear the noise that the skirt of the red silk dress that had been specially sewn for that performance made when she jumped in the air. She could almost feel the weight of the small stones millimetrically placed around her eyes to bring even more shine to the makeup on her face.

Selin felt the warmth of the audience toasting her with countless claps at the end of her performance. She saw the proud smile of his parents mixed with the emotional tears that flowed under his reddened eyes. She could smell the roses that Ayda always delivered to her at the end of a presentation.

All these images, reflected in that white ceiling, sounded to Selin as a joke of extreme disgust. They were like a movie that would never be released, or a show that had been canceled soon after it opened. But worse than that was knowing that there was nothing she could do to end it. The images, as well as the white screen that stretched over her, would remain there, floating on her for the rest of her days, constantly reminding her of the life she would not have back.