Dancing in the stars

Merve

From the moment she saw Burak entering Selin's room with that little box in hand, Merve knew that something bad was coming. She knew him well enough to know that he did not apologize. She followed his rise inside the hospital closely, saw with her own eyes the dirty movements he made, the lies he told, the way he took down each one of those who posed some threat to him.

She realized when his dislike for Demir became hatred, more than that, she ventured to say that what Burak harbored for the doctor was the purest and most dangerous obsession. Merve knew that he would do his best to get his rival out of the way, and when he finally succeeded, she was swept away by false relief.

If she had paid more attention, she would have noticed that he was up to something.

When Demir's voice came over the small speakers, it was as if Merve had been thrown off a precipice. She knew exactly what the words were said by the doctor and was therefore able to see that Burak had manipulated them in his favor.

— Merve?

She froze for a moment at the painful, tearful tone with which Selin had said her name. She refused to meet her friend's disappointed eyes, as she knew what was going on in her mind at that moment.

Merve was aware that Selin was broken. Her heart had been broken to pieces by a lie and she, as her friend, was unable to utter a single word to try to reverse the situation. And even though her mouth was able to move and she managed to explain the words spoken by Demir, she knew that her friend would not believe anything she said.

Her mind moved to the day it all started. She remembered how Demir had called her phone and asked if he could speak to Selin. She had never heard his voice sound so anxious as on that call. Likewise, that was the first time in years that she had seen Selin's face light up in a way that would be able to overshadow all the Christmas lights.

The way her friend reacted to a simple call from Demir would never leave Merve's mind. She looked like the same happy soul she had known years ago. When she spoke to him, Selin became so light and so happy that hearing her say that she was in love with Demir was not a surprise.

However, Merve needed to know if it was reciprocal. She knew her friend, knew she was more involved than she was able to understand, so she was afraid of what a rejection would do to her. She fully understood that she had no right to tell Demir what feelings Selin had for him. So, she needed to know what was going on in his head, and especially in his heart.

Knowing that he would visit Selin at night, she took advantage of the fact that she would be on call at the hospital to find him. She left the message with Azmiye and was sure that the receptionist had understood by the tone of her voice the urgency of the matter. When Demir arrived at the hospital canteen that night, Merve got her answer, just looking at him was enough for her to be able to see how his eyes were shining. Furthermore, his futile attempt to contain the huge smile on his lips served to make her even more sure that he liked Selin.

Still, she needed him to say it. She knew Demir, his rules and principles, he didn't need much to drive people away. It didn't really matter what his eyes and face said, if his mouth denied it once she knew it would be forever.

So, she did what her heart and conscience begged, she questioned him:

— Demir, what is Selin for you?

She knew he wasn't expecting that question and when he, in complete silence, blinked a few times, Merve was even more sure of that. The way he bit his lower lip and looked away as if he were looking for a way to answer that question put her on alert for a few moments. But the moment he closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath she realized that he had given up on finding an answer other than the truth.

— Merve, you know me, I would never get involved with a patient ... — Demir sighed heavily before continuing. — But it was stronger than me. When I realized it was too late, Selin was already everywhere. I have thought of her from dawn to dusk. I have seen her in my dreams. I don't want, nor have I ever wanted, to cause any harm to her. I just want her to be happy and for her to understand that she has a lot to live for.

Demir's words hit Merve in such a way that she felt as if she had won the lottery so happy she was. For a moment she wanted to lean over the table and hug him so tightly that if it weren't for the place they were in, she knew she would have given in to the impulse.

— So you are in love with her? — Asked the doctor, unable to contain her happiness.

— It may seem cliché, but the truth is that what I feel for Selin is greater than anything I have experienced in my life. I never felt that before...

The way Demir spoke the words was almost painful, as if they were being forced out of him. Merve knew well why. Demir was not the type of person to talk about his feelings, he preferred to keep things for him, especially within the work environment. He had placed a barrier between them that had not yet gnawed completely. But she also knew that, in order to win his trust, she needed to accept listening to what he was willing to say.

— ... And that's why I can't just stand in front of her and say what I feel.

While Merve did not wait for that statement, she was not surprised to hear it. It was obvious that Demir would think rationally, he was that kind of person. He planned every step he would take in his life years in advance, thought about all the possibilities for success and failure and looked for solutions for them. It would be naive to think that he did not think the same way when it came to the heart.

— What kind of doctor, what kind of man, would I be if I came to a person who is in a hospital bed and poured into her a feeling that I don't even know if she feels ready to deal with? — Demir asked, anger and anguish leaping out of his mouth. — The person Selin is in here, what she feels, what she lives will not remain the same when she walks through that door and leaves this hospital. I can't, Merve. Is not fair. She needs to live outside those four walls, she needs to face her new reality, to adapt. What right do I have to take from her the chance to put her life on track and start over?

The desperation with which he said each word was palpable. Merve could experience the fear he felt in her own skin. Demir's fear was related not only to an immediate rejection, but also to a future rejection.

He knew that Selin had a lot to deal with, quadriplegia, dependence on other people, the lack of stages, the looks of pity, the difficulties she would face outside the hospital would weigh enough on her mind, she didn't need to let him give her one more burden to deal with.

— That's why I settle for our phone conversations and the minutes we spend the night together. — He confessed, defeated. — I'm afraid when she makes peace with her new reality, she realizes that the woman she is out there doesn't need a man like me. I don't know how it will be when she leaves here, I don't know if we will continue to see each other or even if we are going to be able to talk to each other on the phone. That's why I prefer to enjoy every second on her side without haste, without impositions.

— You are being cowardly and unfair. — Merve said, staring at her friend. — It is not up to me or you to decide what Selin is or is not capable of dealing with, not when it comes to her heart. I don't know much about your background Demir, I don't know what types of women you have related to, but Selin is a girl who has been waiting for years to discover the world with her Peter Pan. And, now more than before, she wants and needs someone to fly with her, to encourage her to rediscover life. If you are not that person, who are?

She knew the answer. She knew that night and she knew it in that moment. Demir was the only person Selin would have liked to be with her from now on. And that was why that recording had ripped her heart out like a sharp sword. That was why, if that misunderstanding wasn't resolved soon, she probably wouldn't be able to endure such pain.

Merve watched as tension invaded Nil's body and her gaze fixed on a point behind her back. She didn't need to turn around to know that Demir was at the door. Her breath stopped for a moment when she saw Selin's look, completely hurt, be taken by an angry flame.

— Uzaklaş Demir. — Selin ordered, her voice trembling and her tone cold. — I don't want to see you ever again.