Dancing in the stars

Selin Sever

Selin looked at herself again in the mirror looking for something she didn't even know. That was her biggest flaw, perfectionism had helped her get to where she got with her career, but he was taking its toll. She was never satisfied and was always looking for flaws in her performances, in her clothes, in her face, in her body, in her life. She didn't know exactly when it started to look like this, she had the feeling that it was after that summer when she saw all her loved ones leave. Maybe if she was better they wouldn't have left her. Maybe if she was perfect, people would want to stay.

The sound of someone knocking on the door made his attention change direction. Ayda, one of her closest friends and businesswoman, entered the room. It was time. Ayda didn't have to say those words to let Selin know that they were leaving for Opera. It would be a lie if she said she wasn't nervous. This would be the first time she performed in Istanbul since her parents sent her to France to study ballet. In addition, this would be the first time that her parents had attended one of her performances.

She didn't grow up in a wealthy family, in fact she grew up in a small village in Sinop surrounded by all kinds of animals that were her only friends at the time. Perhaps that was the reason why she had a goldfish, a goat, a turtle and a dog living with her. They were her best company, in fact, her only company.

No, she wasn't being dramatic or belittling Ayda's existence. No, she was being realistic. Ayda was her friend, but she had her own life and family, she couldn't be with Selin whenever she needed to. Furthermore, Selin felt that some things she was not able to share with anyone, because no one would understand it.

Selin took the coat and threw it over his shoulders following Ayda down the hall. The exit from the hotel was silent and Selin thanked her for it, she hated dealing with the paparazzi. She hated their photos at indiscreet moments and their biased questions. She hated how they mocked their customs. Yes, she was a girl from Sinop who was waiting for the guy who would take flowers and chocolate to her house and ask her parents in the name of Allah to give her permission to marry her.

No, she was not ashamed of that. In fact, she prided herself on being who she was and growing up where she grew up. If it weren't for that, she never would have gotten where she came from, but some people around the world were not able to understand that. God how she hated being harassed all month with magazines and paparazzi. The jokes on the internet, the stupid comments on her social media profiles. The "virgin from Istanbul" was what they called her. She wasn't even from Istanbul in the first place.

Inside the car, looking out the windows, Selin realizes that she misses her beloved Turkey more than she would like to admit. The thin rain that fell against the streetlights and made the view even more beautiful. She missed the smell, of the people on the streets, of having a coffee with a view of the sea. She wanted to sit and eat mussels while admiring the reflection of the moon in the water. Maybe on another day, when she came to stay more than one night.

— Don't worry, we'll be back soon. — Ayda said squeezing the fingers of Selin's hand slightly. — And I promise we will eat mussels on the coast — she laughed lightly. — And if we're lucky, Merve will come with us.

— You shouldn't be making promises that you know we can't keep. — Although she was trying to alert Ayda to what was really going to happen, Stalin's speech sounded more like a lament. — But I'm sad that Merve has to be at the hospital tonight. I really miss her. Video calls aren't funny anymore.

Merve. Mervosh. Her 2/3 friend. She was a doctor in one of the most famous hospitals in Istanbul. She remembered the last time they met in person, it was at the airport before Selin left for France. Merve cried so much that Selin even thought she would need a doctor. But that was Merve, she was emotional, she got attached to people easily and wanted to see her friends happy all the time. And for now, nothing would make Selin happier than following his dreams.

Sure, Merve was slightly offended when she realized that her two best friends were working together and living in the same house, but she understood that that didn't mean they loved her any less. In fact, the fact that Ayda and Selin lived together 24 hours a day only strengthened their friendship. After all, the two always needed Merve to mediate the fights between them.

Ayda was extremely organized, while Selin was the complete opposite. While one was following a healthy diet, the other was burning pots in the kitchen. Deep deep down, they knew that what held their strongest ties was their differences, not their similarities.

— Are you ready? — Ayda asked Selin.

The dancer looked out the car window and saw the crowd waiting for her. Camera flashes, reporters and their microphones, Istanbul high society. Expensive cars and dresses, fake smiles. It was in those moments that Selin missed her life in Sinop.

Selin got out of the car, her long blue silk dress seemed to shine when the lights hit the fabric. She didn't like that kind of clothes much, they looked lifeless and without emotion. But her purpose was not to make Selin look like Selin, but to make her look like one of the big international stars, so that the media and everyone understood how important she was. Well, at least that's what she heard whenever she complained that she couldn't choose what to wear.

For a moment, her eyes managed to stray from the incessant flashes and she saw a small restaurant not far from there. There were fewer people there than at the opera door, even from a distance she could feel that place was as cozy as possible. She wished she could cross the street and go there. She imagined the smell of the food that was certainly homemade, perhaps made by a grandmother or an aunt. She wondered if eating there would taste like home.

Then she heard the sound of tires skidding against the ground, she didn't know exactly where it was coming from and she didn't even have time to find out. People started screaming and running, but all Selin had time to do was turn around and see the car coming towards her. The crash of her body against the hood of the vehicle and the sound of breaking glass was the last thing Selin noticed before being carried away by the darkness.