never have i ever | (chaesoo)

12

JISOO

6 weeks later

After that day we filmed for Lisa's video, life went back to the way it was before. 

I went back to holing myself up in my apartment, surviving solely on Chinese takeout and Redbull. When I'm not writing, I'm sitting in a meeting with my executives because apart from publishing my new book, I was also in the midst of helping another author publish theirs. It's tiring, but it's rewarding. Besides, I really like what I do.

There was nothing new in my life, just writing and stuffing myself with junk on the daily. Well, I got a new dog, so I guess that's something new. A few days after filming for the video, I picked up my adopted puppy who I fell in love with at first sight. He's a white, fluffy dog I named Dalgom and he is my son.

Seriously. I felt like I had a newborn child the moment I brought him home. I bought him his own bed, clothes, toys, and those really expensive brand-name dog foods. I would take him out on walks twice a day, watch him sleep, play with him, and I even bought a dog camera that connects to my phone so that I can look at what he's doing when I'm not at home. I even came close to buying a stroller for Dalgom for him to sit in when we go on walks until I realized that buying it totally defeats the purpose of "walks".

Oh, and Jennie also threatened me if I bought him a stroller. 

"Jisoo, I swear to everything that is good and holy, that I will take everything you hold near and dear to your heart and burn it right in front of you if you buy Dalgom that damn stroller"

I am that kind of dog parent. Unbelievable.

Still, despite how ridiculous I've been acting, I know it's only because I love my boy to bits. I like to think that he loves me just as much.

-

4 weeks after we filmed, Lisa finally published that video of Rosie and I to her channel. It wasn't long, just a 7-minute video of Rosie and I reminiscing about the days we were madly in love with one another. It was a little weird to watch myself in that video, which in turn, made me focus on Rosie instead. But who the hell am I kidding? Even if I didn't find it weird to watch myself, I would still focus on Rosie.

There were so many moments in that video where I would catch Rosie staring at me in that adoring way she used to back when we were still together. I remember seeing it every single time she tells me she loves me, or every single time we go out on a date and she's sitting across me from the dinner table, or even when we just look into each other's eyes moments before we fall asleep together on the same bed. Seeing it now makes my heart ache with want. With want for her to look at me that same way when she tells me she loves me, with want every time we sit across a table, with want every single time we look into each other's eyes. But of course, I shake off these thoughts and remind myself that I'm only deluding myself and that Rosie doesn't see me that way anymore. It breaks my heart every time I think about it, but I manage.

Some loves just aren't meant to last a lifetime, I always tell myself.

Almost at the same time Lisa released that video, Rosie released a new song as well. It came out of no where, really. She posted a link on her Instagram so randomly, and it ended up becoming a new song she wrote. That sudden release made it to the top of the charts again, doing the double purpose of helping with Lisa's YouTube channel views.