never have i ever | (chaesoo)

3

JISOO

After Lisa's last question of asking why Rosie and I broke up 3 years ago, the memory of our last night together resurfaced in my head, making me feel uneasy.

I was transported back in time to Rosie in our apartment, yelling at me for things I no longer remember, and then there was me, yelling back. I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but the next thing I see is her sinking down to the ground as her shoulders shook, bloodshot eyes, and telling me in a soft whisper that she "couldn't keep doing this with me anymore".

I never wanted to let her go, but she was right.

It was a memory I tried to erase from my mind, eventually succeeding as it no longer plagued my thoughts.

I looked over to my left where Rosie was, and she was simply grinning at the camera.

Does this not bother you, too?

She was smiling as if she wasn't thinking about the same thing as I. Any other person, literally anyone else, would have fallen for it and believed that smile. But this is Rosie that I've spent 6 whole years of my life with, and it's crazy how even after 3 years that we haven't been romantically involved, I still know her like the back of my own hand.

How did I end up breaking your heart?

Or maybe she really is smiling genuinely?

I second-guess myself and just settle with the idea that maybe, I no longer read her as well as I used to 3 years ago. Maybe she has changed, maybe I'm just trying to delude myself into thinking that she was the same Rosie that I fell in love with when I was younger. I don't know why I do it, but here I am thinking, hoping, that I was right the first time: that the thought of our break up still has the effect of shaking her out of her comfort zone.

Because I know that it still has that effect on me. I truly fear that it always will.

-

"Okay! First question!", Lisa once again took me out of my thoughts as I tore my gaze away from Rosie and went back to look at the camera. For a moment there, I forgot that we were here to film for Lisa's video. It's weird how even after 3 years, Rosie has the effect of making it feel like she's the only person in the room, the only person that matters.

Maybe it's the effect of being a superstar? Or maybe it's something she was born with, a natural charisma that commands attention in every room she walks into.

Or maybe, I still lo--

No, let's not go there.

"Never have I ever...", Lisa began. She had a teasing smirk pasted on her face, making me raise an eyebrow. For some reason, I already have feelings of regret coming into this, but a promise is a promise and I've never been one to break them, no matter how uncomfortable or dodgy it is.

"...flirted with somebody else while we were together.", Lisa finished.

I was about to open my mouth to speak, but Rosie beat me to it, making me look at her.

"I have never", she confidently said. After which, she turned her attention to me, suddenly widening her eyes a little bit because she was surprised to already find me looking at her. She quickly masked that surprise with a small smile on her face, the kind of smile that was trying to encourage me to go on next.