never have i ever | (chaesoo)

6

ROSÉ

The game went on quickly after the question of us ever posting a photo of each other on our social media accounts while we were upset with one another. Sensing my sudden annoyance, Lisa toned down her teasing and Jisoo, who I was trying so hard to ignore, was stealing glances at me, each time looking more worried than the last.

I don't know why the thought of my ex-girlfriend being involved with someone else pissed me off to no end, but I can't deny that there is also a little pang of pain when I realized that she is my ex-girlfriend, and that she is free to do whatever (or whoever) she wants. I don't know why the thought never bothered me before, but I guess seeing with my own two eyes the way Jisoo reacted to Lisa teasing her about this "hot new author", my mood just turned sour immediately. The idiot didn't even do anything to deny it.

My thoughts then drifted to seeing Jisoo with someone else. Arms linked together as they walk through deserted alleys, chaste kisses shared on romantic dates, and even cuddling on a bed together as the rain pours outside their window. The idea of Jisoo being with someone else hurt, to the point that I was finding it a little difficult to breathe.

Still, if there is anything I ever learned from being a public figure, it is to act indifferent and never truly showing what you are thinking or even feeling. So here I am now, trying my best to swallow the growing pain in my chest over the thought of my ex-girlfriend being with someone else.

I guess I was trying too hard trying to conceal what I was thinking or feeling that I didn't realize I was spacing out. I was in my own world, not hearing anything else apart from my own thoughts trying to convince me that Jisoo is my ex-girlfriend and I have no control over who she decides to get involved with.

It was going well for a while, until I suddenly felt someone grab my hand.

I know I should have been surprised, and I guess a part of me was. But my mind, my thoughts, my senses, decided to relish in the feeling instead. Warm, soft hands, wrapped around mine. They felt safe, they felt strong, they felt gentle. It reminded me of serenity, of safety, of a feeling of home.

My first instinct was to turn my head to see who was holding my hand in theirs, but my mind and my body had other ideas. Instead of turning to face the person, my own hand decided to tighten the hold instead.

I soon looked up to see Jisoo with an unreadable expression on her face as she looked at our joint hands, and for some reason, that just broke my heart even more than the idea of her being with someone else. Was she really that perplexed, or was she simply disgusted with my sudden show of affection? Either way, I took that as my cue to take my hand back from her hold and mumble an apology under my breath.

"Sorry, I just did that out of instinct", I told her.

Jisoo shook her head and looked back at me with a small smile. "It's alright, I was just trying to get your attention because you weren't responding when we were calling your name. Are you alright? We can take a break if you want to."

I smiled at her show of concern for me, but shook my head to tell her that we can continue and that I was alright. The fact that she can still read me so well after all these years made me smile. Maybe there will always be bits and pieces of me that Jisoo just wouldn't be able to forget, and I thought that was good enough.

Just then, Jisoo's phone rang loudly. She looked annoyed when taking her phone out of her pocket, muttering a few curse words under her breath over forgetting to turn her phone into silent mode before starting this video. But when she looked at her phone screen and grinned, I once again felt that painful tug at my chest. Have you really found someone new to make you happy?