The Boundaries of Abyss

Kabanata 19

Right

Hedeon texted me the next morning. Aniya ay nakatulog agad. I replied to him that it was okay. I didn't know how to bring up what's bothering me. Lalo na't ang hirap niyang hagilapin. he'll say good morning then tatawag nalang siya tuwing gabi. Pero madalas ay makakatanggap nalang ako ng mensahe na hindi siya makakatawag.

Naiintindihan ko na busy siya, but I can't help but think that maybe he's doing it on purpose para hindi ko malaman na nagpupunta siya pabalik-balik sa ospital. Or that maybe he's hiding something from me.

Those are just maybes... but I can't help but wonder.

Whenever we're together, laging masakit ang ulo niya. Lagi ring may tumatawag. He seems preoccupied. I tried asking him one time what bothers him pero ang sabi lang naman niya ay tungkol iyon sa trabaho.

I don't want to doubt him. That maybe he's hiding something from me. Pero ganoon ang nararamdaman ko, dahil iyon ang pinaparamdam niya.

I don't want to be clueless from whatever is happening to the people around me. Lagi kong naaalala na walang magandang maidudulot ang pagtatago ng kung ano man.

My mother hid her illness from us. Nalaman nalang namin noong may taning na ang buhay niya. We were clueless. Ayokong ganoon ang mangyari. 

Sinarili rin ni dad ang lungkot. He didn't bother us. Nor break down in front of us. Animo'y malakas, pero sa huli, bumitaw... at sinamahan si mom.

It scarred me. So as much as possible, I wanted to know everything. But with Hedeon... natatakot ako. I was scared to pry with his personal matters. Dahil baka isipin niya na I am too nosy... or too controlling.

It bothered me the whole day. Gaya nang dati ay hindi ulit siya nagtetext buong araw. Kung dati ay okay lang sa akin iyon, ngayon ay hindi ko na alam. I wanted to pry with his whereabouts. Kung saan siya pumupunta, anong kaso ang hawak niya, kung kumain na ba siya. Just like what we used to do noong nililigawan niya ako.

He called me that night, saying sorry that he wasn't able to visit me in my clinic. I said that it was fine. Kahit na nalipasan na ako ng gutom kakahintay sa kanya. It's not like he promised to visit me... Nakagawian ko nalang. Nasanay na laging hinihintay siya kapag katapos ng trabaho.

"You should sleep... I can hear that you're tired," ani ko. He was quiet on the other line. I was thinking of asking him the reason why he is always at the hospital pero mukhang pagod siya.

"I'm still out," he said then sighed.

Tinignan ko ang oras. It's past eleven in the evening. I should be sleeping pero hinintay ko ang tawag niya dahil sabi niya ay tatawag siya. Hindi ko naman inakala na ganitong oras na.

"Nasa office ka pa?" Tanong ko. Napabalikwas mula sa pagkakahiga sa kama.

"Yeah..." he said sleepily.

"You should go home... Can't that wait?"

"I have to review it now. Just go to sleep, Astrelle. Maaga ka pa bukas," dismissing me.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Tomorrow is my day off. Nakalimutan niya na rin ba iyon? Iniisip ko pa sanang yayain siyang lumabas bukas... pero mukhang may pinagkakaabalahan na naman siya.

At ngayon nalang ulit kami mag-uusap. Tapos gusto niya na akong patulugin? I waited for him... for hours... Dapat ay naghihilik na ako ngayon pero hinintay ko ang tawag niya.

But... yeah. He's busy. He's just thinking for my well-being... 

"Good night, then..."

"Good night," Aniya at ibinaba ang tawag.