Peter Parker one-shots

narrator

Please enjoy that photo of a drawing I did, Noface + Anatomy practice.
So, this one is a bit different. So deadpool will be popping in every now and again. Anything he is saying will be in italics. Just to be clear none of the other characters can hear him.
Also if this is shit its because I'm writing this at two o'clock.

So. Hello there, I see you are reading this fanfic.... you made a good choice.
It Twas the day before the 6th of January and all through the house it's no longer christmas so I'm not going to finish it.

Peter had  been staying at avengers compound for the last month. He had still barely spoken to any of them but he was beginning to feel at home. He was currently sat on the bed
Bet you thought I was going to make a joke there. Well I reccomend you get your minds of the gutter. Unless there is Mexican food in the gutter, then bury your head in that gutter until you finished your impromptu meal.
   Waiting until he was going to be called for dinner, it was Natasha's turn to cook. That usually meant something delicious, small but could fill you up fast. Despite his usually shy appearance he had been planning a prank on Tony for the last few weeks. He knew from the stories that were commonly told around the dining table that Clint was known for pulling off either stupidly over complicated or just simply stupid. Hahaha just like me. Fuck me. And he desperately wanted to get the infamous ex shield agent onboard with him. Look baby boy, if you wanted a funny prank you should have called me.... theres only like a ¾ chance that someone would die. The only issue being in that out of all of the avengers Clint was the one he had spoke to least. Well at least the members of your team didn't all die... X-force forever. Hahaha shove that up your a$$ wakanda. They had briefly made eye contact during the fight in Germany, and had spoken a few times now and again, but the socially awkward teenager still did not feel comfortable asking Barton for such a big favour yet.
He was stuck for ideas when suddenly one struck him like a red leather, clothed fist in the face. He quickly got out his phone and sent a quick message to Nat.

baby spider:
Hey miss Natasha ms Black widow Romanoff Mam, this is going g to sound really odd but is there a way I can summon Clint.
Why so many titles. What that's like 3 ! Although my ex wife probably has more names than that.
                                            Mama spider
        Peter, I told you to just call me Nat. Yeah.... funnily enough Clint will come if you shout !^$%#%! Out at the ceiling
This censoring was brought to you so that the joke can stay hidden for a few more seconds. And was sponsored by America's favorite ass. Captain Spangles.
Peter laughed at the phase he would be expected to say. He heard Natasha shout for the team to come to the main kitchen so that they could get their dinner. He left the room and checked it was locked before walking down. The rest of the team were sat down and everyone was tucking into a bowl of Borsch.
I personally think that some chimkchangas would have been nicer but hey. At least its freshly cooked.
He tried hard to avoid eye contact with anyone, although he did have a laugh with tony.
Who hasn't laughed at tin can. I do it regularly, then get thrown out the window. Then die because spidey didn't catch me. What's up with that.

He waited until it was about 2:00 in the morning
That's the time that the author is writing! That's right author I'm watching you.
so that he could summon Clint whilst hopefully not everyone was awake.
He asked friday to soundproof his room. And screamed "CAW CAW MOTHER FUCKER" and as Natasha had told him. A scuffle of footprints could be heard throughout the vents.
Clint came crashing through the vent and fell on the floor. He dusted himself off and looked at Peter.  "I have been summoned." Peter let out a little laugh. "Hey Clint. I'm surprised that Nat wasn't joking about the Caw Caw thing. I really want to prank the avengers and I have a perfect idea. I just need someone to help me." Hearing what Peter was proposing Clint gave a huge smile.
I still think that everyone's favourite Mercenary would have done a better job.
"So what were you thinking?" He asked, interested to know what the small boy was going to suggest.
"Battle Llamas. I have 3 good reasons why we should let a bunch of llamas round the biggest building in America:
1. They spit. This will be funny to watch Mr. Stark and Rodgers be spar at ny llamas.
2. We can ride them. Good battle horse replacement.
3. They are fluffy and we can put tiny hats on them!"
Weoooooooo battle llamas! Let me go get my cowboy hat!
Peter's eyes lit up on the last one. The two childlike avengers sat up all night scheming. 

Clint and Peter had been avoiding eye contact all day. They had agreed to let bruce and Nat know, they didnt want Bruce to hulk out or for Nat to kill both them and their families. although she would never hurt Laura and the Barton Kids, it was simply a necessary precaution. They had made a fake mission so that they could go buy a bunch of llamas (using Tony's credit card.) that would be an average of 340000 dollars! and sneak them back into the tower with only a few people noticed. Most of the interns just looked confused as to why Halkeye and Spiderman (peter was in his mask) were herding an entire army of Llamas. They assumed that it was probably some serious super hero thing, not that they were just planning on pranking the other members of their team.

When they finally got all of the Llamas up to the main communal floor they both climbed in the vents. Waiting for the inevitable havoc that was going to come. 

The other avengers were on their way back. When they had gotten to the location there was nothing there. They assumed that it was just a mistake but Natasha and Bruce Insisted they would rather stay behind it was a bit odd but they let it slide. When they made it too the tower Tony noticed that many of the interns and people working around the tower were either looking at their phones in little groups or chatting, he picked up words such as 'llama' 'elevator' and 'adorable' which confused him. He put it down to them being Gen z, he wasn't quite sure about anything regarding that Generation. The others went down to the supply room so that they could dump the heavier gear that they didn't carry around with them. However when he climbed in the elevator he could swear that there was a funny smell, something farmy? when the elevator opened all he saw was carnage. There were llamas everywhere. "FRIDAY who did this?"

"it was Mr. Barton and Peter Lord, Master and King of Spiders"

"i told you to only call me that in private FRI, oh crap." a voice came out of the vents, then realizing he had given away his position "It was Clints Idea!"

Fun fact. I was writing about these reasons on why  battle llamas were a good idea then boom! That's what we are doing
Thanks for all the votes and views
Larb y'all
And have a good day/night from your friendly neighbourhood author
Peace out