Discovering myself (18+)

38. In a nasty game

I go straight back home after seeing Brandon, refusing all his attempts to escort me.

Walking is my favorite way of thinking, and analyzing, even if it's all I've been doing lately. My encounter with him gave me a lot to think about.

Some things are clearer now. About me, about him, about us. How our relationship affected me. I don't understand why we acted the way we did, but I understand now that we were not good for each other.

Not just him to me, but, me to him as well.

And even though, Brandon is sweet, considerate, and a gentleman, the only time he made me scream in bed was when I found a spider on his shoulder while he was kissing me.

I'm terrified of spiders; I really scream that day.

My mistake was to believe it was our only problem. Today I discover it is deeper than that. That it was not only the lack of chemistry during sex. The problem was us.

Would it be possible to work on it?

No Kelsey, the real question is, do you want to work on it? And I know the answer to it...

Especially as my mind goes back to Andrew alone, making no effort to do so and against my every will.

Once at him, I change my clothes and go back to Charles's apartment to join the guys for dinner.  

Andrew is the first person I lay my eyes on and he is not even close to the door. 

"Kels what restaurant have you mentioned yesterday that has a dish tasting like heaven?" Liam asked me, smirking.

"It's a Japanese one", I tell them the name of the restaurant and they decide to go there tonight. I adore sushi so I don't mind going again. 

My eyes find Andrew on the corner, waiting for him to tell us he has been there yesterday too. Wondering if he knows I saw him there.

Char calls to do the reservation since we are six. Dani doesn't eat sushi, so will be me and the guys.

Andrew is on the corner talking with Chris. I notice how different he looks today, and I'm hit hard by the fact of how I barely know him. Right now it seems I don't know him at all. He seems a foreigner in front of my eyes, so distant, so cold. A stranger.

The smile he has worn during the last week is long gone, he is so serious, contained, and when he catches me staring at him, I feel obliged in turning around and looking on the other way, quickly. As if I should be ashamed for acknowledging him.

Arriving at the Japanese restaurant the first thing they want to know is what the hell is the dish I state tastes like heaven.

I don't understand why this statement catches their attention this much, but it does.

I demonstrated it on the menu and complemented describing it, "It has salmon all around something like cream cheese inside and other ingredients, it is big like this", I illustrate it to them with my hands, showing the big sushi roll format.

And in the middle of my explanation, the guys burst out laughing, letting me there, confused, watching them, wondering what the hell is so entertaining.

"Are you sure it was a sushi Kels? There is another thing that is pink outside the same format and tastes like heaven," Char stops laughing to glare at Mattew, and then I just realize what their dirty and perverted minds are thinking.

At least Charles's glare causes them to stop laughing.

We order different pieces; I pick the ones I remember loving yesterday.