Discovering myself (18+)

39. In standby mode

Monday morning I'm very shocked when I found Andrew at my door at six in the morning. I'm so shaken that once I opened it I don't even groan or complain about how early it is.

But he is not himself, he is a robot version of the customary Andrew I ran with. He doesn't smile, as usual, he just pushes the damn shake to me and after I drink it all, he shoves another new type of coffee in my hands.

I just take what he sends in my direction, I'm still dumbfounded to see him at my door to react in any other way.

He doesn't say a single word, he doesn't give a smile, he barely glances at me.

But he is here.

What the hell is he doing here? Why he still wants to help me when he obviously got over me?

I presume he is a man of his word, he told me he would do it and I reckon it is the only reason why he continues with it.

We run for about an hour, with him inflicting his frustration on me.

He pushes me harder today, he rushes me to run faster, he imposes a training for me that I hardly achieve.

He was on a date Saturday night, however, he is the one acting as I am deserving of revenge as if I have acted unfairly through him.

And incredulously, the look on his face presents me with a feeling of guilt. He practically plays me to believe I did something wrong, feel blameworthy about 'I don't know what'. I even search in my mind for whatever I could have done.

It is arduous seeing his sorrowful face, I nearly forget what he has done, I almost let his pout lead me to kiss him. Almost.

He is the one who hurt me, and if I have to spend the rest of my life running with him quietly, frowning and pouting on my side, so be it, is not me who should apologize, is not me who will take the first step.

I'm probably interpreting it all wrongly, he must be disturbed about something else, for sure.

There is no reason for me to assume it is about me. But why does it seems to be?

I'm struggling during his training, using my stubborn determination to have enough energy and not give up, to go as far as he pushes me, to not show him weaknesses. I realize my grimaces give a satisfying smile on his face. Sadistic jerk.

After the training, a simple move has turned into an arduous task. I sense my muscles aching during my classes, each time I move, each time I walk I'm reminded about Andrew. Not that I could forget between aches anyway. He succeeds to let my whole body aching, if it is not in a pleasurable way, now he is up for the tortured one. He has to have a body reaction from me, and he always has.

I spot Brandon seated in his usual place, he keeps glancing and sending smiles at me, approaching me each time he sees me. I'm afraid I gave him the wrong impression inviting him for a coffee, and right now I don't know how to change it. I'm uncomfortable around him, not knowing how to act, especially when he keeps looking at me in the way he does and touching my arm repeatedly. I'm worried anything I do would be taken in the wrong way by him.

So I join Steve and Mark until the end of our classes to avoid him as much as possible.

"Hi mom", I greet her on the phone, after the third time she tries calling me today.

"Kelsey, I'm worried about you. You didn't pick up when I have called," she states, and I roll my eyes.

"I was in class mom. I couldn't pick it up."

"What's wrong honey? You haven't shown up in weeks, and you are barely calling me."

She caught me off guard, she always knows when I'm not ok, as if we have a mental connection. Some mother and daughter trick.