revenant|c.g.|

mori

Maggie,

I never thought I would be able to do this. Sit upon the balcony of the Big House and write a letter to you as I gaze over my community once again. It's been a busy couple of months, with the rebuilding and the preparation, and Solaris only continues to grow stronger. But, while I have put my focus into making sure my people have their home back, our deal stays at the forefront of my mind.

I haven't forgotten what we plan to do. After almost a year, his survival has plagued me more than the thoughts of the future have. I realize, just as I always knew deep down, that a future cannot happen when he's alive to see it. He shouldn't be able to see what we create, not when the people we loved don't get to. I know I don't have to tell you this, though, because you understand that.

I know I should be happy. I have my people back. My community has been rebuilt and will only grow. I should be happy because we defeated the Saviors. I'm able to see you, Hershel, and Enid when I please and I am able to wake up to the boy I love almost every morning. But it's not enough, and I don't think it will ever be enough— not until I know that he's dead.

I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to have Carl's hope, but I can't allow myself to see the end of the tunnel when he is at the end of the tunnel, blocking the light. I can still see him so perfectly. So for now, I won't.

As soon as Solaris is able, we will begin our trade and strengthen not only ourselves but Hilltop as well. We'll strengthen those that share in our view and we will grow stronger. We have to. I have to.

I can't let him get away with this. If I cannot let go of my anger after a year then I believe that it is worth holding onto until we succeed. I have to believe in that, at least. I hope, for your sake and Hershel's, you believe in something a little lighter. But if not, know that I stand with you always.

Always.

With love,
Clary Rhee