What If

4

I am dressed in a hooded sweatshirt paired with a jeans. And was about to grab my only sneakers when my younger sister, the one next to me blocked my way.

"I told momma Im gonna wear that fuckin' thing Jennifer. So better drop it back in there! " I heard her annoying tiny high pitched voice roamed around our room. I glared up at her with a raised eyebrow. And she quickly folded her arms to her chest. I notice she was still on her pajamas

and her hair is a tangled mess. Lame sister!

" Excuse me?" I began to look at her.

"...In case you have forgotten, this fuckin' thing your talking about was absolutely mine. All mine! And I bought it last summer when I tamed Mrs. Jones garden while you were out with your flirty friends wasting your time partying.."

I blurted with exhaustion. This sister of mine will going to take my blood boiled!

"And in case so, you also have forgotten, my darling, boring sister. Momma told us to share with what we have and that's her rules. So you mean you're going to disobey? " She told me as she walked slowly swaying her hips towards me. She widen her eyes in disbelief.With mocking expression of coarse! I saw her half smirked and she even louder her voice that made my ears itchy.

I stood on my feet with parted mouth in clear shocked. Enough of letting me feel inferior. Putting my studies to an end is tolerable because I knew our status financially. But snatching my personal belongings is another matter . I will surely fight with this. Until my last breath. Its not that I really dont want to share. In fact, I even shared my dresses with her and with the sneakers too often before.But with all

of the issues from previous night, I felt the urged of letting them know how their decisions affected me. I quickly grab my

bag and headed outside the now suffocating room.

"...You bitch..! "

I can still hear my sister grumbled from inside of our room but I didnt even bother to look back. I even heard her spit out a curse before, so what's new with shouting the b**** word. My sister was always the vulgar type of person. Dated different guys in a week. I even asked myself how she was able to do those horrible things. She was the popular one in our school. Pretending to be smart when infact, I am the one doing almost all her school stuffs and assignments. To sum it all, she was just nothing but a pretty face and an empty mind.

I saw my mother from our living room.The Phone on her left ear, with her left hand holding it. While her right hand is so busy scribbling down something on a notepad. If I wasn't living here my entire life, I wouldn't know that she's now on her mathematical evaluation about our weekly budget expenses.

I wore my shoes and was about to go outside when I noticed my mother glanced up at my direction. She put the phone on its cradle and looked at me with worried eyes.

"...Grab some breakfast, sweetheart." I heard her softly said. Just as I was about to counter she quickly stood up and drop her hands on my shoulders.

"Sweety, I know how you feels. And it makes me upset also. I know you have this huge perfect dream for your future. And I dont want to be the reason for your heartache." She hummed softly. Regrets clear on her voice. I wanted to avoid a heart to heart confrontation as much as possible. I am so weak on this kind of battle. I easily cried. One of the genes I inherited from my mother. I sighed. And tried to looked away at her now swollen state.

"Its okay, mom. Got nothin to do 'bout it, anyway." I silently said. As if wishing that my mother won't hear my pained voice.

" I know your not okay. It's this kind of situation that I want you to open up your feelings to me, Jenny. I mean, Im your mother and I ought to know something down there." she said as she pointed her finger towards my heart. I stayed still. Not at this moment I would opened up. Coz if I did that, I knew our house will be flooded with tears. And it will just make my heart sore.

" Yeah mom . Im really, fine. Im perfectly okay!" I half smiled. And even managed to stiffle a fake laugh. I just hoped my mother will be too emotional to recognized the real from being faked.