i hate you , i love you

28.

"SPENCER!!!" you shout walking into the barn seaver had been keeping him in. you see his limp body and run to him, insuring he still has a pulse. he does. it's thready but it's there.

"GET ME A DAMN AMBULANCE BEFORE I DRIVE HIM MYSELF!" you yell at the swat team and they scurry away to call the ambulance. you breathe a sigh of relief. he's okay. he's okay. he's okay-

"Y/N!" hearing hotch scream your name pulls you out of your trance. you shake your head and turn to see him staring at you in the doorway. you stepped outside for a breather, judging by his urgent manner it seemed important so you followed him into the room.

"we called strauss and she got swat ready for wherever we need to be, she also apologized and said that you're officially back on the team." he says and you try to smile but it looks more like an unhappy grin.

"i'm happy internally but i'd be happier if we could find my damn boyfriend already." you say and he nods understandably. you were a wreck and glad everyone understood.

"so now what do we do, we just wait for her to call back??" derek asks. "well seaver was one of us, so she can probably predict what we are going to do next." hotch says. "so what are you saying, we do something she won't predict?" derek asks.

"precisely." hotch says. "we don't let her know we are looking for him, don't show any emotion while you're on the phone. she's gonna think that spencers our prized agent which he is. but if we make her think we dont care she's gonna start to slip." he says and you all nod, taking in what he's saying.

you all come up for a plan and for once you feel ready for when the phone rings. you would of course not stop looking for him, but you would let your guard around her so she would slip up and make you "want to look again" you had to give it to hotch, it was a great plan
........
"oh my god she's calling, hotch she's calling!" garcia says the second the phone starts ringing. "don't sound to excited, and she's probably gonna ask for
y/n so just keep your tone calm and give the phone to her." hotch says and garcia nods

"hello." garcia says shortly. "garcia, although you were one of the few people i liked at my short time at the bau, you know who i want to talk to." seaver says and garcia hands you the phone.

"ashley." you say. "i'm surprised i haven't gotten any knocks on my door, no fbi stormings, not even a phone call. what gives?" she asks clearly annoyed.

"well we tried to find him but.. you're smarter than us." you say casually. "so you're just gonna let him die?" she asks you. "hey braniac you hear that? they just want to let you die. look on the screens." she says. the screens light up to reveal seaver holding a gun up to spencer's head.

"maybe i should just shoot him now huh, make it easier for you?" she says and you blink back tears seeing the love of your life held at gun point. you look at hotch, unaware of what to say next. he snatches a notepad and a pen off of garcia's desk and writes 'feed her ego' and you do just that.

"ashley you're one of the best unsubs and you know that. you have an advantage, you know our next move. you were one of us. why even try competing when we know who's gonna win." you say and you see her freeze momentarily

"you're just gonna give up?" she asks, and you can hear the vulnerability in her voice. "yes, you win." you say. she hangs up the phone and as soon as you hear that garcia says "trap and trace got her address. she's in the old water mill. let's go get our boy." she says and with that, you finally felt at peace.
........
hotch refused to let you go in on the takedown, because he didn't want anything to happen to you. of course you resisted, you needed to see him. but he made you stay out of her line of sight until she was handcuffed. you bribed him to give you an earpiece, so you could hear her every word.

"fbi, put down your weapon!" you hear derek yell. "bout time my friends from the bau found me! a good old family reunion, isn't that right spencie?" you hear seaver say and for the first time in 2 days you heard his voice again. he sounded dehydrated and abused, but he was alive.

you were so in your head you didn't hear the commotion on the headset. "ashley don't do that-" hotches voice was cut off by a loud bang. you ran into the building as fast as you could, the deafening silence on the other line not specifying who or what was shot.

"is he okay?!!"' is the first thing you say when you get to the room but you see spencer sitting there, hugging derek. he was okay. you turn to your left in and see ashley's body, with a revolver in her left hand. she shot herself. you turn back to spencer but this time he's already looking at you

you run up to him and give him the biggest ant tightest hug you've ever given him. "hey hey i love you too but i was just held captive, you can't hug me that tight." he croaks. "i thought i lost you, and i would have never forgiven myself if i lost you before i told you that you were gonna be a dad. this made me realize life is short and i couldn't go another second without telling you." you say, looking into his eyes.

"you.. there's a baby in there?" he says pointing to your stomach. "you're gonna be an amazing dad." you say releasing him to get checked out by the medics. "you just don't know how to listen do you?" hotch says.

"can you blame me? i thought he was shot." you say back, walking out the door with him. "so you would just prance in here with a gunman and do what? that was reckless. you're lucky it all went safely, i could have been losing my best two agents." he says.

"well i'm fine hotch."you say walking away. "oh and y/n?" he says causing you to turn around. "congrats, you can't really whisper, i'll keep it under wraps until the two of you are ready." he says and you smile and give him a silent thank you. walking out to the rest of the team, feeling better than you ever have in a long time. it had been a long road for you and spencer, filled with love and heartbreak. but most importantly, you were bringing a child into this world. and he was still here to raise them.

a/n: i'm so sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out! but i just wanna address something rq. i am not a seasoned writer, this is my first book. the rude comments that some of you have been leaving will be removed, it makes it really hard to feel like i'm putting out good chapters if you say negative things about what i'm writing. anywho, don't forget to vote and i love you all! xoxo!