i hate you , i love you

17.

"i thought you hated spencer, and now you think you have feelings for him?" garcia said curiously , sipping on her coffee. the boys got called in on a case , hotch said it was urgent and that you and garcia would have to watch each other. you would both help when needed from dereks house

"i don't know pen, our relationship is weird. one second i want him to jump my bones and the next i want to punch him in the face." you said with a sigh. "i mean he's a great guy and he would be good for you y/n." she says and deep down you know she's right , spencer might be a change of pace , but he would be good for you.

you open your mouth to speak but you see garcia's computer light up with an incoming call from the team , probably for the briefing. you made sure that you looked presentable, wearing your hair down in a it's natural state and brushed a little mascara on your eyelashes.

you and her both sit up straighter and she answers the call. "hey, just the ladies i wanted to see!" derek says cheerily and you giggle. "how are you guys feeling?" you can't see who's asking but from the voice you can tell it's jj. she is the mom of the group after all, always making sure you are all okay.

"we are doing just fine mom." you say and she snorts which makes you and garcia laugh. "garcia." hotch says and you both stop laughing. "sorry sir, alright i hope you all packed sunscreen because you're headed to tampa , florida. 4 women's bodies have been found within the same block of each other. all have the same mo, a slice to the throat took them out." garcia spits out

emily clears her throat and begins to talk."okay so victimology is all over the place, one woman was white, two african american and one asian and what's so specific about this block?"

reid cuts in "the way the bodies were positioned means the guy shows remorse , an unsub like this would want to go visit the bodies but he's got the entire block lined with crime tape." you blush at hearing his voice. "so how's this guy revisiting the bodies?" rossi asks and hotch sighs.

"alright prentiss and morgan go check out the crime scenes , rossi and reid head to the M.E and see what he can tell you about the bodies, jj and i will set up at local pd and garcia and y/l/n find out any and everything that connected these women to each other." hotch says. "oh captain my captain!" garcia says and clicks the monitor off. "okay it'll take half the time if we each take two women. i'll take sandra lang and lauren parker , you take london louis and claire bowers, tell me what you find." garcia says.
.......
you and garcia had been digging through these women's lives when you finally found a
connection. "okay so they were all ironically cheerleaders in high school , but london and lauren were raised in florida on different sides, sandra just moved here last week and claire moved here for college 5 years ago, there's no way that's the only thing." garcia says , clearly frustrated.

"maybe they were just victims of opportunity?" you say. "maybe , lets call the team." garcia says while ringing the team. "babygirl you're on speaker, whatcha got for us?" derek ask. garcia motions for you to speak and you clear your throat.

"alright so they were all cheerleaders in high school but none of them went to the same high school, or even at the same time so i don't know how the unsub would know that. sandra was from idaho and claire was from chicago , but that's the best lead we've got right now. i'm leaning toward more victims of opportunity, just wrong place wrong time." you say

"thank you y/l/n , let's look into the-" but before hotch can finish he was cut off by who you assumed to be someone from the local pd. "agent hotchner, we've got another body. 22 year old female, ashley
y/l/n." the teams eyes go wide.

"what did you say?" you ask into the phone frantically, you must have heard that wrong , there's no way he said what you think he said. "i said we have another body little lady-" but hotch cuts him off. you let the tears you were holding back fall free. "no, it must be a mistake. let me see the picture." you say , desperately trying to make him wrong.

he holds up the picture and you feel the bile rise up your throat. on the screen was your little sister , with her throat slit. you ran to the bathroom and puked. you and ashley were only 3 years apart from each other , so you were very close growing up. being the oldest you basically had to raise ashley and your two little brothers , justin and jacob.

your father was a miserable drunk who beat your mother and you every chance he got. your mother worked hard to raise for you and your siblings , but you did most of the cooking and cleaning , while still getting a high school diploma.

the only people on the team who knew about your past were hotch and garcia. you didn't want everyone to pity you as the little girl who got beat by her drunk daddy , so you didn't disclose the information to them. you sobbed into the toilet bowl as you heard mumbled information about derek and reid flying back to bring you and garcia to florida.

this feeling was one you hated. you hated being pitied and you hated people seeing you cry but this ; this was an exception. this was a different kind of hurt. when your mother died 4 years ago , it didn't hurt this bad. this felt like you had lost a child , your other half. you stood up and flushed the toilet. you tried to wipe off any evidence of you crying , but the puffy red eyes were a dead giveaway.

you walked back into dereks living room and sat next to garcia, who was still talking to the team. nobody quite knew what to say , they didn't know about your past after all. they all looked at you with sad eyes and garcia rubbed her hand comfortingly on your back.

you couldn't believe ashley was dead. all the memories of you and her came flooding back and before you knew it you were crying again. garcia pulled you into a hug and you heard hotch say derek and reid had already left to come get you.

you'd practically raised ashley, you were at every awards day , every dance recital and every pageant. you pulled her first tooth and laid your allowance money under her pillow, you bought her christmas gifts. you hugged her when she was sad and laughed with her when she was happy , you'd practically raised your brothers too. oh my god- somebody had to tell justin and jacob.

half the team didn't even know about your siblings , dad or hometown. you manage to choke out some words to hotch "don't tell my brothers until i get there." you say shakily. hotch nods and the team signs off with sad faces , especially spencer.

then you realized ; neither you or garcia were cleared to fly, so you would have to take the almost 13 hour drive to go see your dead sister , cramped in a car with your best friend and your coworker crush. this should be fun.

not me finally writing 🙈 anyways hope y'all enjoyed this chapter , love you all! also i'm thinking about starting another book , maybe one shots? what do you guys think?