Ghost || Jujutsu Kaisen

『 18: Ghost 』

"You know... don't need to defend me, right?" She questioned, looking at anything besides the Sorcerer who frantically scanned through his textbooks looking for something that might aid the burns on [Name] 's skin... not that she would know given that the girl had found interest in staring at the swaying curtains. Silence permeated the space between them, flooding it with tension that made them drift further away from one another.

But as the zephyr's waltz came to a halt, she looked back at the Shaman who was still fumbling with pages and paperbacks that surrounded him. She looked at him as he restlessly flipped page after page, opened book after book trying to find a way... a way to save her. [Name] felt her heart reach a crossroad, yearning to take a route that forbade her from entering, longing for nothing but to tell the sorcerer the words she so desperately wanted to speak of, tell him that everything would be okay... but that would be lying. "I'm already dead anyway," She didn't want to do that to him, to Inumaki who had been nothing but kind to her... would lying to him be equal to kindness? Just because she eased his mind today did not mean that her fate would change. "So, all you're doing is stalling my second death--" Stalling the inevitable.

"STOP!"

The Ghost's eyes widened at the boy's exclaim.

Inumaki... had never yelled, well at least not directly at her.

She sat there, frozen in shock as she could do nothing but observe the way his chest rose up and down as Inumaki tried to catch his breath. The sheet he was previously reading, crumpled due to his intense hold. His eyes, although faintly being shadowed by his hair, reflected with an emotion that was all too familiar for the girl: sadness.

Why was he sad?

He should know, shouldn't he?

That sooner or later, [Name]..

... would have to leave.

Inumaki's lips parted to speak what was on his mind... yet all he could think about was preventing the nearly uncontrollable urge to cry his heart out.

How... could she even think of saying that?

Silence permeated the distance between them, covering the endless space that separated their worlds from one another: the realm of the living... and the dead. It wasn't that Inumaki couldn't find the right words to speak, in fact, everything--- all the words his soul could offer was right there: waiting by the gate, waiting for the right time, waiting for the permission to reach out to the person who deserved to hear them more than anyone else--- yet his reason remained.

His reason remained that he feared what power those words could hold... he feared that if he voiced out the sentiments held by his heart, if he allowed her to hear his desires... he--- Inumaki would be cursing her for eternity. He would be shackling her down, tying her to his world... all because he was selfish enough to keep her to himself.

Could he really do that?

Could he really want someone enough to hold her all for himself?

Yes. Yes, he was.

But he wouldn't.

He couldn't.

And that answer became apparent because for all the moments he looked at her: hair flying everywhere, eyes - although dull - shining like the universe was only made to mimic the light shimmering in those pools of (e/c), smile so bright it could put the sun out of business... when he looked at her everything just makes sense.

"When I was alive," her voice was soft, just like how he remembered it to be, "no matter where I was or where I went, I was always... alone."

To think that girl, basking under the light of the autumn sky could be the same one sitting in front of him now.

"I tried to fit it in," she explained, fiddling with her fingers as she tried to remember what she could, "I changed everything about me: my clothes, my appearance... even what I liked! But even if I was with others, why did it feel like I never belonged?"

The girl, who revered the vernal freshness gifted by spring was right in front of him.

"But after I died... I met you."

The girl, who looked at him as if he hung the constellations and painted the skies.

"Being with you.. made me feel like I belonged without ever making me feel like I was begging for it."

Inumaki thought, how lucky, huh? He had her and she had him.

She liked him and... he liked her.

"I was always at my happiest when I'm with you."

"Hanging around with you was always the best. Because you looked at me with so much affection."

For once in his life, the ability he was born with-- the strength and pressure he was tasked with to bear... did not feel like a curse. In fact, if he were to be true to himself at this moment, he was glad. Happy to have been cursed to speak little to nothing at all, because that path... that painstakingly long, treacherous and lonely path had led him to her. It had led Inumaki to the person who painted his empty canvas with all the colors the heavens had to offer.

"Fate was being kind, don't you think so?" She smiled... but it felt different. Inumaki looked at her, for the first time in a good long while. He traced the way her hair fell on her face, the little hairs above her lips, the curve of her nose and the hollows of her cheeks. He took note of the way her lashes would touch the skin under her eyes for every blink she made and along with the way one of her eyebrows rose higher than the other. He engraved them to memory. Swore that even if heaven and earth were to damn him to hell—he would never forget. Never. Because he knew... that after this moment passes... he would never see her again.

"They let us meet early... because they knew that we wouldn't be able to grow old together."

Slowly, her skin began to shatter. Little cracks of light marring her skin, dispersing into motes, filling air around her, littering the room with luminescence that was once [Name].

And Inumaki could do nothing but stare.

"No..." he whispered.

Stare at the way the only person who he had come to truly cherish fade into nothingness...

"Don't go... please." A gentle hand landed on his cheek. It was warm, and it felt like home. At that moment, he swore that if he could have that every day for the rest of eternity then, he would be set to go. Through silver-brimmed irises, he looked at her—at [Name]—and spoke the words his heart yearned to tell her.

"Don't go where I can't follow."

Warmth dissipated from his face, finding its way into his hands.

"My heart is so full of you... I can hardly call it my own."

Inumaki didn't love her out of loneliness. He was fine living in the dark. He loved her simply because her light made him want to step out from the shadows.

Please, I've never asked anything from you. But hear me just this once and I'll never ask for anything ever again so please... don't take her away from me, I beg of you.

"Take care, my sorcerer..."

And the fragments of her scattered, everything in him burned.