My letter to you

I want to but...

I want to trust you... I really do. I want to fall into this endless pit fully trusting you hoping you'd catch me,believing you'd catch me and stop me from falling into that endless pit. But my feet stop me from moving,saying "he won't catch you, he'll leave you behind. He doesn't even know you so why would he risk his life?" So I don't jump.

I want to believe in you. My heart says I should but my mind says to think straight and not get too attached. So I don't, because my gut tells me to follow what my mind says. You give me every reason as to why I should trust you, and they're convincing.

But I just can't trust you, I just can't believe in you. Because everytime I trust someone, that trust is broken. And every time I trust you,that trust shatters a bit. So I'm scared, that one more crack and it'll all fall apart.

Don't get me wrong though, the moments I spent with you lit up my days more time than I can count, heck they were so bright even the sun couldn't outshine them. But when there's light there's darkness too, and that darkness seems to cover your light now.

So I can't trust you, because I'll get hurt again, and I don't want you to be the person to hurt me. I want to trust you, I really do,but I don't think it's possible when your unknowingly hurting me.

I want to take all the risks, I want to jump into that endless pit, fully trusting you, maybe one day I will or maybe I'll never end up trusting you enough,although right now I can't put my trust in you and I just can't fully believe that you won't hurt me again.

I want to but... I just can't risk losing my trust in you, so with the little trust I have I'll stop trusting you. I'll stop believing that you won't hurt me anymore because I don't want to stop trusting you.

So forgive me but, I can't trust you anymore, and I don't know if I ever will.