My letter to you

No reason

Why are you the complete opposite of what you look like? Why are you the complete opposite of what I expect you to be? Why do you keep surprising me, over and over and over again?

I remember when you had braces on and looked so innocent and so fluffy and soft, when you smiled it lit up the whole room and I'd just melt with the love I had for you.

I remember the time I found you were older than me, I was so stunned. I thought "how can someone look so cute? how is he older than me? he looks so much younger and adorable? it makes me want to take care of him like a younger brother.". I was so shocked.

Overtime I got used to it and watched you grow, a few months later you had changed so drastically. You no longer had braces, you were still cute but your aura had changed so much. You asserted more dominance than before.

When you smiled though, you still looked like the big baby I first knew. Your eyes would dissappear when you smiled, and that eye smile struck so much love into my heart.

But now that same smile strikes pain into my heart, you act as if nothing happened. I don't even know anymore. I don't want to abandon you but your not giving me reasons to stay.

It's like your pushing me away but telling me to make the choice. Constantly giving me mixed signals over and over again. And I can't stand it. Everyone else has given me a reason to stay longer. Except you. Your staying silent as if I don't exist. Your sending signals but they're not for me. You ignore me. The line that separates us is one you draw each day.

But you shouldn't give me any reason to stay. You should be the reason I want to stay. But you make it look so hard. There's supposed to so many reasons for me to stay. You, everyone else, the moments I had with all of you, the memories, they should all be enough reasons to stay. But they're becoming reasons for me to leave again.

And I don't. I don't wanna leave. I never want to leave again, but you give no reason for me to stay either. I've been blaming you for quite some time now but I never intended to do that.

I just don't want to leave, I don't want these memories to turn into something I'll want to forget. I want to remember them forever but with the darkness slowly creeping back in they're becoming memories I don't want to keep.

Thank you though. For these memories, they made my day so many times. it was special. Until it lasted.