My letter to you

as the facade crumbles

I've thought long and hard about what i want to say. What I should say, but as I'm typing this I've got absolutely no clue about what i really want to tell you. I don't think any human language could allow me the opportunity to fully express everything that has gathered in my heart these past few days since the veils you put up to shroud your lies from the entire world, was finally torn down, allowing me to see you for the person- no, the monster, you truly are. 

For decades, you have kept this secret under lock and key, convinced that if it were to get out, you would lose everything and every one you love. So to draw attention away from the truth, you chose to manipulate, gaslight and turn people against each other. Obviously not caring about the consequences, as long as you were safe. As long as your secret remained hidden.

You failed, however, in remembering that people don't forget. We grieve, we heal, some move on but we never forget. Had you spoken up when everything went down the outcome would have been so different then today, is something i wish i could guarantee, but I know it would've been the same, the only difference is the amount of anger i now harbor. It now burns like the deepest parts of Hell, waiting for the next sinner to step foot into its eternal punishment. 

You sent someone to their death, to keep a secret that could destroy you. Your own flesh and blood, gone at sixteen. By the very person who once stole your dignity and claimed it as his own. With a smile on your face you happily allowed it, knowing fully well what he was capable of, shocked by the outcome death has given her because of your own selfishness, your own choices, your own grudge.

You failed to protect her and yet, instead of pointing your finger to the man who snuffed away a flame that burned so brightly, you directed it elsewhere. To a boy who was simply experiencing love and life for the first time. Ruining his life before it even began, causing a ripple effect in his life that now haunts him like a dead virgin bride haunts her groom. 

The guilt eats you up inside, though i wish it would devour you whole. Your mind tries to cave in on itself, doctors can't figure out why, but you know. But you wont utter a word, terrified that the perfect life you've created for yourself upon lies and brown bottles filled with another woman's sorrow shatters.

I cant stomach the thought of you now. The nausea builds up like a tsunami aiming for a bustling city. I hope the guilt eats you from the inside out until there's nothing left for even bugs to feast on. I pray you become your own prey.