PROTECT YOU FOREVER/ BTS/ NAMJOON

45. Dates???

Sam’s POV:

Everything seemed off, there was an eerie atmosphere in the house. So many people I don’t recognize roam around in daze, some I recognized as my relatives from far side of the family tree. An uneasy feeling fills in and my first instinct is to find my mother. I go around looking for my mother, as I cross everyone looks at me in pity, it actually scares me. Some just come near to comfort me for what I don’t know; I dodge them with dread filling in more with every person I cross.

At a point I reach my limit, she’s nowhere I couldn’t even find dad or my brothers or even my stepmother. With all unknown people around in my home frightens me even more, I want to go away, I want my mother. I start crying, I sit down on the floor throwing a tantrum screaming for my mother.

Some woman carries me out to the veranda, and hands me over to someone. It takes me a few minutes to recognize am in my father’s arms. His warm hands run down my back, and I constantly ask him one question where is my mother? He gives only one answer- silence.

I look around more unknown people but I see something or someone lying on a mat in the middle of the veranda. My mother, covered in white cloth head to toe, and decorated with garland. Her skin seems pale and blue that dreads me more. Why was she here sleeping in the open? And why is father silent?

A few more minutes, some men arrive and carry my mother away. What is happening, I try to get off my father wanting to stop them. My mother was just  carried away, my father didn’t even move. I start crying even more, wanting no one else but mother.

Everything starts turning black. Darkness covers every inch of the sight  in front of me. Soon it consumes everything around, I can see nothing but pitch black. I look down, my bar fee start black as well. It starts spreading up my body swallowing me up inch by inch, I start running straight, maybe, I don’t know. Until I get completely taken away into the dark abyss.

“No.” I wake screaming, another nightmare. I sit up on the bed looking around. I feel all stuffy and suffocating. I get off the bed to open the windows, it’s raining. I get rid of my clothes that are covered with sweat and strip down to my underclothes. Even if it’s cold outside I feel as if in an oven here.

There are still a couple of hours left; I just lay down on the bed staring at the fan spinning above. Tomorrow is the day; 18 years and I still can’t forget her. 18 years I have been on my own. 18 years since no one ever mentioned her or remembers her. Do they still do it, the ritual prayer and things for her rest? I don’t even know if they are even there in that house.

My thoughts are spinning like the fan, I turn away. Why should I even think of them, they are nobody to me same way around. I close my eyes to drive away those thoughts. But only one thing comes to my mind her face. There’s no way I can get it out my mind.

___________

-next day-

 I wake up and freshen up. I go on my daily morning workout. Everything is usual as always. Except this date haunts me not much but yes it does.

After breakfast I clean a part of the platform and place my mother’s only photo I have. Am not religious but I know a few things. I light two incense sticks in front of it. That’s the most I do for her every year. There are so many rituals for the dead I don’t know. I never attended my mother’s even when I was at home, one they didn’t want me to for some reason, two cause I didn’t like it  them acting all sad and mourning as if they are really hurt when they are clearly not.

I join my hands and just murmur her well being wherever she is. This is the only day I don’t have her photo in my wallet. I take a deep breath and leave the house to  the company.