PROTECT YOU FOREVER/ BTS/ NAMJOON

55. Brother

Namjoon's POV:

I glance at my phone to check the time, it's almost 2:30 a.m. Leaving a sigh I run my fingers through my hair. I look back at the notebook I just finished writing in. So it's finally done, I am relieved. Stretching a bit I get up and decide to take a step out of the place for some air.

I step outside and cold air welcomes me, the sky is clear and it's dark with small specks of white marking it. I spread my hands out taking in my surroundings. I turn to my left to see a silhouette of a person standing a few feet from here looking up at the sky.

I walk towards them and find Saanjh. What is she doing here at this time? Maybe I know. I carefully approach her not wanting to scare her.

I clear my throat a bit, her ears pick it up and she turns around.

"Ah Namjoon, what are you doing here?" She asks. I notice her distressed look and her grey eyes. I was right.

" I just finished writing a song, so came out for some air. " I simply answer her. She just nods then looks back up.

"You shouldn't push yourself too hard, it's a vacation for you all. " She says a minute later.

I too look upwards at the dark sky lined with stars. "How about you, it's late you shouldn't be here either. " I say then turn towards her.

"Couldn't sleep. " She shrugs. "Like always. " She adds up. I wish I could do something for her.

"I… I heard some number is bothering you. " I ask her curiously

"Yea, not exactly am just a coward. "
I squint my eyes confused. She looks at me and speaks again.

"It's my brother, the second one…  He's trying to contact me. "

"Oh… "

"Am just scared to know what he wants to say."

"Is he…. "

"No not him, he was actually a brother, a good one… " She understands what I was gonna say. Placing her hands in her pockets she continues. "He was better, trying his best to stay with me, be there for me despite his elder brother and mother warning him not to get attached to me. " She leaves a sigh. "He was there for me most of the time, except when I needed him the most."

" What do you mean? If you don't want to, it's fi…"

"It's ok, I feel better talking to you…I feel safe with you. " Her voice fades away, but I catch it, they make my heart skip a beat.

"He took care of me and made sure I don't feel alone or left out. It was good, I felt I have someone who I can call family. He used to defend me from my stepmom too sometimes but he couldn't stand against his big brother." She pauses to take a breath.

"Then after that incident, I don't know what happened to him. When that woman called me names and threatened to get rid of me, said she would lock me up, he didn't do anything. He stayed at one place looking at the whole thing unfold. My stepmom said I ran away, everything was my fault, I deserved it, he didn't speak a word. I… I looked at him with pleading eyes I guessed he would believe me it wasn't my fault. I screamed and cried I didn't do it on purpose and all, she just slapped me and asked my elder brother to lock me up… Not him, not dad, no one tried to stop her. All I saw was disappointment in his eyes. He… he looked disgusted at me. " She stops and looks up again. I could see her trying to stop her tears.

"I don't have the courage to speak to him again, I am desperate to talk to him but am still scared. " She continues.

I step near and give her a side hug, patting her head lightly. "Maybe you should talk to him, it's not like he can do anything to you." I say. "I won't let anyone hurt you. " I mumble into her hair very lightly. She just nods.

"I think I can… thank you. " She turns to me and returns the hug back. "I feel better. " She leaves a sigh and steps away. "Guess we should go back. " She says, pulling her coat closer. I just nod and we head back to our places to sleep.

__________________

Sam's POV:

Yesterday's talk with Namjoon helped me. I can talk to my brother now I guess. He's right, it's not like he can do anything to me.

I realised that how much ever I try to ignore my feelings, it won't work. I think I like Namjoon, but am still scared.

I am lost in thoughts about him when my phone rings. It's him, my brother. I… I guess I can talk to him now. I excuse myself from others, as I move away I feel eyes following me… Namjoon's eyes.

"Hello." His voice calls softly on the other end. I don't reply.

"Saanjh? … " I still hesitate. Taking a deep breath I speak shakily. "Bhaiya*… " (*elder brother)

"Finally you are ready to speak. I have been desperate to talk to you, meri gudiya*." (*my doll) His voice is soft as I remember. Seven years and he still remembers the name I liked to be called by him, when I was younger. I stay silent not knowing what to reply.

"I hope you are doing fine, Jay said all is good. I want to meet you. I… I am really sorry for what happened then. Please don't push me away. " His voice trails off at the end.

"Kartik… I… I don't want to do anything with your family. " I finally say. Even if I may want to meet them, I still don't want to. It's a complicated feeling. I don't want to touch it too much, I don't want it's knot to open. I don't want to have ties with them.

"I understand that… it's just I want to meet you. Only me. You don't have to talk about them. " He says, trying to get to me.

"No Kartik please don't make it more complicated, I don't want to. "

"Please Saanjh, only once I won't ever bother you again. There's something I want to tell you. Please. " He sounds desperate.

"Am out of the country. " I simply reply.

"I know, anytime is fine. Only once then we go separate. You don't have to worry about seeing me again. I promise. "

"I'll think about it. " I curse myself, why did I say that.

"That's fine with me, anytime is fine. " He sounds somewhat relieved.

"Ok."

"Am sorry for not getting to you earlier, all these years I missed you. It felt weird without you. Dad misses you too… "

"Please don't… " I say, not wanting to hear about them.

"Sorry… "

"I need to go… "

"Last thing. I left the house… and I wish to see you soon, hope we can go back to how we were before… Bye gudiya. "

I just cut the call. Back to how we were before. How were we before? Like siblings, actual real siblings even if we don't share the same mother. I don't think I can. Not after all this.

The commotion behind me catches my attention. The boys are playing around, seeing me they wave. I smile back at them. Namjoon smiles wider.

A warm feeling takes over me. I have people more special than anyone in the world, more than my actual family. Someone precious to look forward to. Someone who I know will be there.

Am not sure of this feeling but it's warm and attractive. I may not be able to run from it, maybe going along with it is good. This is the only path of unknown territory I want to explore. I want to know this feeling more.

_________________

A/n:  Feelings are catching up on other side too, maybe we are closer to confession. who knows?

Sam: What do you mean feelings?

A/n: Oh honey please. Stop denying.

Sam: 😒 go away grandma.

A/n: Yea yea...