never grow up.

17. fue mejor

(fue mejor-kali uchis)

How did I end up here? All I could remember was a man in a cap forcing me into his expensive foreign car. He had a devilish but boyish grin. He resembled the same demonic qualities as the person before me. Her cat-like eyes were stained in mascara and her lips were ruby red. Another woman's arms were around me but I felt nothing.

All I could see was her in that moment. It was like everything around us was knocked out. I never saw Soojin so unarmed. She looked like someone had just gutted her right then and there. She also looked exposed and embarrassed. Like a deer in headlights but she was about to get hit.

Ho Taek put his arm around Soojin. "You okay?"

She immediately began punching him in the face as if she lost her mind. Seungyeon released me to pull her off of him. I stood in shock. I was completely unaware on what to do. I stood awkwardly, my hands moving quickly so I couldn't bite my nails. I was high. My head was foggy. I couldn't think.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Seungyeon shouted in Soojin's face.

Soojin didn't answer. Instead, she just spat in her face and pushed her off. She grabbed my hand. I felt myself being pulled. It was a different side of Soojin I never thought I would ever see. She got Ho Taek's keys off the hook and unlocked his car. She opened the passenger door and shoved me in. She got into the driver's seat. There was a loud sigh that left her lips.

There was a quick pause of silence as we waited for the car to warm up. She held her face between her palms. I was relieved to see her, I was also angry. I wanted to curse her out. The other half wanted to kiss her. It had been days. She adjusted the mirror and tightened her jaw. She got some eyedrops from the glove compartment and dropped one in each eye. "You smell like weed."

I didn't know what to say. That was the only thing she had to say after ghosting me for that long? That I smelled like weed? She avoided eye contact with me. She began driving me to the apartment complex. Tears began streaming down my eyes. I wanted to say something but I couldn't.

The car's hum was the only thing I could hear when we drove. My thoughts were even louder. I wanted to shout and cry. But, that wouldn't solve a damn thing. Maybe get a load off my chest, yes. I was too gone out of my mind to even care.

When she pulled up to the complex. She unlocked the doors. She turned to me. "Get out."

I hitched a breath in and shook my head.

"Please don't make it hard for me." She rubbed her temples.

"Was I a joke to you?" I asked. "A plaything? Like....what were we to you?"

"There was no us," Soojin scoffed. "You proved it when you came to the party tonight."

"I didn't think you'd be there."

"You're a good girl. You're not supposed to be out in situations like that."

"You broke my heart."

Soojin cracked her knuckles. "We were nothing. I forgot about you. In that world is where I belong. You had no place in it."

I felt more tears streak down my face. "Why did you take me home?"

"Get out."

"Soojin-"

"GET OUT!"

I nibbled my bottom lip as I opened the door, staring as she went back to avoiding eye contact with me. I slammed the door behind me and walked to the sidewalk. The Bentley zoomed off. I unlocked the apartment door and went inside. I already could tell what Yuqi was gonna do before I got in.

The room was dark. Yuqi and Minnie were asleep on the couch. Thankfully. I was  exhausted and too sleepy to even cry over what just happened. I climbed onto the rug and just passed out.

+

When we finished the internship (that I lost my spark again in), Soyeon was outside in sunglasses and leaning against a car. Yuqi rushed to her and they began kissing. Minnie and I worked hard not to gag. It felt so weird to see Yuqi so in love. It was like a different side of her that I never saw. I liked it because she wasn't dropping down my throat or looking at me with judgy eyes. 

"We're going to Japan." Soyeon bounced animatedly. I never saw her so excited before. Yuqi's jaw dropped. "Baby, stop being so cold and show me that pretty smile! All of us are going to Tokyo right now. " 

I felt my heart drop to my toes. "I didn't pack anything." 

"You don't have anything." Minnie chuckled. 

I swatted her arm, pouting my lips. I knew I barely had any clothes as I swam in Minnie's extra long pants and blazer that she let me borrow. I folded my arms. "I'm excited but I feel so nervous. I never been outside of any country aside from my own and here." 

Soyeon opened the door to her Lamborghini Urus. "You will enjoy it as much as here. If not more, because there is no Soojins there." 

"Tuh. I'm hype for that one," Yuqi said as she got into the back of the car. 

I'm not as hype for that one but okay, I thought to myself. Though I just saw Soojin in the wee hours of the morning. I wondered what Japan would give me. I hope it is not as chaotic as Korea was. I pushed my cuticles back, thinking about how Soojin was doing. Was she okay? I hope she didn't face any consequences for the way she lashed out last night on Hui and that Seungyeon girl. 

When everyone was chattering happily on the way to the airport, I felt so disconnected from the hype. All I could think about was Soojin and how angry she looked. The way she screamed "GET OUT". 

The Incheon airport was not as packed as it was when I first landed here around 2 months ago. It was less condensed. Soyeon led us to a different corridor where the private jets were flying out. There was a yellow jet with the characters that read "Jeon" on the side of the plane. 

"Welcome to Baby!" 

"Baby?" Minnie and Yuqi repeated.

"My airplane," Soyeon said in a cute voice. "It was the first thing I bought when I scored big at my first club." 

We stepped inside the plane. There were already champagne flutes in the cup holders. A stewardess was at ready with three menus. I sat down in the seat and felt super comfortable. I took a glass of the alcohol and it was really bitter. I cringed. "The fuck?" 

"That's expensive Dom Perignon." Soyeon crossed her legs as she sat across from me next to Yuqi. "You also are a rookie to drinking." 

"No I'm not." I wrinkled my nose as I sniffed it. My phone began buzzing in my pocket. It was my mother. I looked to see if the plane was about to leave. I turned off my phone because I didn't want to hear another voice tell me how much of a disappointment I was being. Mother and I haven't talked since I landed. I bet she was concerned but I always shoot her a text about how busy I was. 

And so far....I've been lacking in productivity all because of a distraction. Maybe this time, I will allow myself to have some fun and distract myself even more.