never grow up.

22. you know im no good

(you know i'm no good- amy winehouse)

"How did I end up here?" is what I always ask myself. Hongjoong was sipping a martini while I was drinking water at Soyeon's club. I was not planning on doing anything with him, but I was feeling bored.

Joong dabbed his cigarette into an ashtray. "Are you okay? I know you never drink water."

"I just don't feel like drinking anymore." I feel like it always got me into some deep trouble. "I don't mind smoking, though."

Hongjoong reached into his jacket pocket and handed me a cig. He lit it up for me as the music played. I took a long drag from it, coughing a little. "You got some baby lungs." He grinned, putting his arm around me.

I rolled my eyes, chuckling. I was barely a child anymore. Smoking was not my preferred poison and it had been awhile.

"So, have you seen Soojin lately?"

"No."

Hongjoong pursed his lips. I could tell he was bothered. His little friend was raised at the thought of having power. Or anything involving me. I wanted to reach into his pocket and steal his credit card so I could buy a necklace I saw in the window a few blocks over...but that would not be legal. Or wise. I could probably just ask him for something. Of course he would want something in return. Did I feel like fucking him tonight? Or was it just that I was hurting and not sure on what to do with it.

A bartender slams a glass in front of me of some dark liquor. I look down at it. "I didn't ask for this."

The man jabbed his thumb in a direction down the long bar. Hongjoong's face turned pale. It was the woman Seungyeon. She had a mischievous smile on her lips. I gulped. I knew how this shit could go down. The beverage was probably drugged.  I pushed it away and kept talking to Hongjoong.

"So, politics are your thing, huh?" I asked him.

"I'm looking to run for president in another 20 years." He folded his hands on the table. "I think after I'm done with the drug trade, I'll pursue a degree."

"You got a game plan?" I asked.

Hongjoong chuckled. "Something like that."

He choked as soon as I felt a presence over my shoulder. I breathed in and out, my hand already over the silver flip phone Soyeon gave me. The smell of perfume was familiar.

"So, you think you can get out?" a voice boomed over my shoulder. A hand moved to the small of my back. It felt familiar. My cheeks got warm. "That's cute. And now you're talking to other people's property."

Hongjoong nibbled on his bottom lip in fear.

"Don't look scared now," Soojin said. I turned to look her in the eye. She was looking right at Hongjoong with malice in her eyes. "Learn how to be your own man and stop talking to other people's women."

Hongjoong stood up and smiled. He put his hands into his pockets. "Funny of you to assume she's yours when she called me up to hang out. And Hui's now set on getting on board with my plan. Pretty soon, him and I will be running South Korea. And you...will be gone."

Soojin laughed. "That's crazy how you two even can think of doing something like that. He's useless without me."

"Now he has new adversaries in my company. And...." Hongjoong reaches for my hand. "Your woman seemed to have enjoyed our night together."

Our little "night" only lasted 10 minutes in a bathroom stall. I sighed and looked at Soojin. "Can we get out of here?"

"The lady speaks, Champ," Soojin scoffed.

Hongjoong shook his head, tongue in his cheek. "You know real dick is better than the plastic ki-" Soojin smacked him right in the face. He retaliated and soon gunshots were in the air. The crowd began filing out. I could tell Soyeon was going to be pissed about something going down in the club.

Seungyeon pulled Soojin off of Hongjoong and yelled at her. Hui entered the club. Gun was on his hip. My anxiety was high. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me close. "Get in the car if you want her to live."

I gulped. A few men stood behind me. Soojin was too distracted dealing with other things to notice what was happening. I was pushed into a black Jeep with tinted windows. I pressed the button on the cell phone, in secret. My throat got tight. I prayer, hoping God would save me. Somebody would. This is what I get for going out tonight. Hell, this is what I get for having some mafioso's paper wife fall in love with me.

I looked around. Hui got into the passenger seat and whipped his head around. "Hey. You good back there?"

I nodded, keeping my face emotionless.

"Fellas, confiscate her phone."

The security guards patted me down and found my Galaxy and the flip phone. I was scared as they rolled down the window and shot the phones. Shit, I was fucked. Then, we pulled off.

=============

Soojin's POV

The club was closed down as Soyeon stomped her short stature up towards me and smacked me in my face. I grunted and pushed her away.

"Don't fight back now, bitch," she snapped. "Where is she?"

"Shu?" I asked.

"Look. Everybody's gone! I had a tracker on a phone and now, I can't find her. See, this is why you can't fucking love anyone in this business! She's gonna end up dead!"

"You're just jealous that I could never love you the way I loved her. That thing with Yuqi is a whole facade."

"I don't think I could ever love anybody as toxic and careless as you ever again."

"Well I'm sorry." I wasn't. I ran my fingers through my hair. "Shit. Everything I touch gets fucked up or is fucked up."

"You did this, Soojin. Regardless if that girl said she can take everything you dish out, she can't. You are forever in this shithole just like the rest of your circle. Not everyone can be me and leave."

I dropped to the floor and lit a cigarette. "This was not in the cards, Soyeon. I wish I could protect her. I thought I could."

"The only way you can save that girl is if you die." Soyeon's face softened. "And I'm being honest as honest can be."

I felt tears running down my cheeks. "I'm paranoid, now, man."

"Hui isn't built to do anything too crazy. So relax. We'll find him. You know I got more connections than you do..." Soyeon kneeled before me. "Because you taught me how to talk better than anyone."

I laughed to myself. "Yeah, alright, kid."

"I gotta admit, seeing you like this made me have faith in you a little. I'm gonna try to help you stay alive so you can have a happy ending with Shu. I know I couldn't teach you how to love but....I feel like she did."

I smiled weakly. It was bittersweet to hear her say those words. Especially after everything we have been through. "She did."

Soyeon patted my head. "It's about time someone did."