The Host

The Return

After loosing Boston Rob and also my hair, I was sure that my game was over. I ran back to camp and immediately started weaving palm fronds to make a wig. Russel comes over to inspect whatever it is I'm doing. "Whatcha got there?" he asks, but I'm in no mood for the ogre.

"Quite obviously, it's a wig. Want me to make you one, baldy?" I spit at him.

Russell runs away, tail between his legs. I know I should feel bad for bullying him . . . but I can't find it in me to feel sympathy for that.

. . .

The next day, I wake up feeling ready to win a reward. I hop out of bed and toss my wig on. After using my tongue to slurp oysters out of the rocks, I'm feeling more energized than ever. I notice a slight twinge in my intestines, and I realize that eating them whole was not a good move. I feel a clamping on my intestines and I scream to Fabio for help. "Okay," he says, "take off your pants."

"My what?!" Of course he's not interested in actually helping me, only in getting his rocks off.

He bends me over and pulls down my pants, and suddenly his vacuum is erect and on. He slips it inside my anal cavity and as he pumps, it reaches further and further into my intestines. They start letting go of my insides, and when it's all done I'm left hungry again. Good thing it's time for the reward.

. . .

When we get to the challenge, I notice how simple it looks. And then I see Probst. He's wearing the usual attire, and he looks ready to go. "Ready to hear today's reward challenge?" he asks us. "So, for today's challenge you will be crawling through the mud, underneath a large net. The first four people to make it out get to move on. You will then be paired up to solve a slide puzzle. One person will hoist their partner in the air, as they attempt to solve this puzzle ... with their feet. You will playing for a chance to go to the Survivor restaurant where Chuck the Cheese will be catering."

"Don't you mean Chuckie Cheese? Will there be games?" I ask.

"No," Jeff says. "Chuck the Cheese"

Jeff is evil for this. We draw for spots and get ready to play.

We take off and slide under the nets. I notice the mud smells really strange but it isn't until Fabio shouts that it doesn't taste like mud that I stop and smell. "Oh my fucking God Jeffrey Probst is this shit?!" I scream. I keep going but I see the person next to me stop and even hear gagging coming from my right.

"Monkey shit" he says. I scramble to get the fuck out of there and see Phillip standing there, gut out. Great, I think, he better not fucking win. Soon after, Parvati and Jane finish the net portion and we are put into pairs.

To my dismay, I am stuck with none other than Phillip. He pretends that I'm too obese to pick up but I screech in his face and he reluctantly yeets me into his arms. "I ... can't..." he croaks. Looks like I'll have to hold his fat ass instead. He takes his shoes off to reveal toenails that are 6 feet in length. I know I just ran through shit but this made me vomit everywhere. Either way, I need to win this challenge. Meanwhile, Jane and Parvati are whipping through it. Just as I think they're about to win, Hannah's glasses send a beam of light hurling towards Jane. She starts to sizzle, and within seconds is reduced to a pile of ashes. Phillip and his toes pick up the pace, and while Parvati tries to do it on her own she has no shot. No one says a word about Jane, almost as if it didn't happen. Jeff tells us to each pick a person to bring along and we choose Russel and Hannah. We both agreed Hannah deserved a thanks.

At the reward, we see an array of greasy, previously eaten pizzas and Budweiser beer on a table. Yum. We sit down to eat, and when I reach for a slice there's none left. Russell, who didn't even win the challenge, looks like Squidward after the Krabby Patty vault.

"What the fuck" I yell. I'm about to beat this bitch up. Phillip stands in between us, beer in each hand. "Let's not fight," he says. "Let's get drunk instead."

Russel shotguns a twelve pack and passes out almost instantly, while Phillip and Hannah get drunk off of two. I, on the other hand, have no interest in getting drunk. Standing in front of me is the host, dressed in a costume that looks like a Five Nights at Freddie's reject. I pinch myself but unfortunately this isn't a nightmare.

"It has always been my dream to do the dirty in a Chuck the Cheese costume. Will you make my dreams come true Aubrey?"

I'm taken aback, but I say, "I guess?"

. . .

When I got back from the reward I felt even greasier than the pizza. I don't have the time to process my emotions because sure enough, Jeff is standing in camp, Chuck the Cheese suit intact, with three people I hadn't seen on the island before. "Hello everyone, I know you're just getting back from reward, and before you ask I will be wearing this Chuck the Cheese suit for the rest of the competition because the power I feel with it on, the spiritual connection I have with it is on a whole other level that doesn't exist in this dimension, no, universe and I think I'm honestly having an out of body experience. Anyways so you're probably wondering who these people are, the chick is Brylee, and you should already know who Jay and Malcolm are because you tune in each week to see me host them. Brylee wasn't supposed to be here but she fell out of her boat and we felt bad. Good luck!"

I'm flabbergasted. Jeff takes off on his motor boat and we see a pod of dolphins throwing him around like a beach ball. They rip his suit off and eat it. Jeff screams not to take his costume but it's already in the dolphins' digestive system. One of the dolphins shoves it's snout into Jeff's ass and blowholes him back to his camp. Before long Malcolm has the boat docked and at our camp.

. . .

The next day I wake up,  Phillip already has tree mail and is reading it out loud. Phillip says, "And that's on today's challenge. You all have no hope and I prepare to use my FBI skills to beat you all."

"I'm not sure the FBI was preparing you for Survivor but what the fuck is the challenge gonna be?" I ask.

"No clue," Phillip says, waddling down to the beach to sunbath before the challenge.

At the actual event, we discover sleuthing won't get the job done. In fact, I'd bet money Fabio would win this challenge. I look and there's one of the fake surfing arenas set up, board and all. Inside it, however, are the same dolphins that attacked Jeff, surfing right along with us. Jeff, hands crossed in front of him, stares at us and says, "Fastest time wins. Hannah is up first."

Hannah didn't make it very long, and the dolphin tried to rape her. I didn't do well myself, and Fabio somehow got the dolphin on the board with him and was surfing on the dolphins back. No one else even came close to his time and he was granted immunity. He winks at me as he gets the necklace placed on him and I'm drooling. I always forget how attractive I find this man.

Author's Note:
Thank you guys so much for reading! We made this for fun but yall wanted more and we couldn't help but deliver! Give us some ideas, we be running out