The Host

The Yee to my Haw

On day 10 I wake up to "Here I come I am cin-e-mon!" It's Fabio.

"Huh?" I croak out. Fabio drops the firewood he was carrying and looks at me and smiles.

"Apple jacks!" he exclaims.

"Oh" I say.

"You are the apple to my cinnamon babe." At that, I throw a large rock at him.

"Shut the fuck up Fabio" I say, laughing. I notice he's wearing a cowboy hat. "What up with the hat?" I ask.

He tips his hat and says, "Yee-haw!"

It turns me on. I think about riding Fabio like a horse while wearing his cowboy hat. "Hey babe," I say. "Do you wanna do me a favor and meet in our spot?" Everyone laying next to me groans. They have come to learn what this means.

He comes up to me and lays a wet one on my face. "Anything for you babe!" he says with a smile.

He's up to 20 minutes now and can I just point out how extremely satisfied I am with his improvement.

"Everytime you just get better and better babe." I say.

He jumps up and fist bumps the air. "YEE HAW!" he says.

I sigh and throw my clothes back on. I know we have a challenge coming up soon so I don't have time to focus on the man. After all, I am here for a million dollars.

When we get to the spot of the challenge, Jeff Probst has a devilish grin on his face. I feel my heart sink to my asshole and I shit it out for a second.

"Alright, everyone drop your buffs. We are switching up the tribes."

Fabio and I look at each other, fear in our eyes. I smell something stinky and I think Fabio has flatulated from nervousness. Jeff is looking straight at me and I glare at him. If he splits us up, I'm going to break his balls next, literally.

"Everyone is going to pick an egg out of the bin that is being passed around. On my go, you will smash it on your chests. If you get purple, you are a part of the Wigwam tribe. If you get blue, you are on Tiki Tiki. If you have a red egg, you will not participate in the challenge. You will wait on Exile Island, and will join the losing tribe after tonight's tribal. Everyone can now smash their egg." I nervously break my egg on my arm, and I'm still on Wigwam. I quickly look to Fabio, and notice he's hesitating. I smash his egg against his skull and to my delight it bleeds purple. He picks me up and kisses me, making sure to make a scene in front of the host.

Jeff, anger in eyes, begins saying who the tribes are. "On Wigwam we have Aubrey, Fabio, Randy, Russell, Phillip, and Naonka. On Tiki Tiki, we have Boston Rob, Ken, Mick, Parvati, Hannah and Makayla. Andrea, you've drawn the red egg and will join the tribe who loses the next immunity challenge. Please take a seat on the bench."

"For today's challenge, you will be playing for reward." He goes on to describe the challenge and tells us our reward will be a drive in movie, with snacks and soft drinks. I can feel everyone's stomach growling.

Wigwam ends up winning the reward. We head down to the "Survivor Theater" to watch a screening of the Emoji Movie. Fucking Foul.

Yet again, when we arrive who is there but none other than Jeff Probst. Fabio and I decide the movie is foul, and we sneak off to fuck. Probst walks up to us and says, "enjoying the movie?" He asks to join.

I look at him and roll my eyes. "Ain't your dick broken?"

He says, "I heal fast!"

"Absolutely not." Fabio says.