The Host

The Man

I awaken with a start. My heart is pounding and I can hear twigs rustling. I look around to make sure everyone is there and no one has gotten up. I shake Fabio awake. "Babe wake up. Something's in the woods."

He wakes up slightly and looks at me in a haze. "Mmm it's probably just the monkeys babe."

"It's not fucking monkeys babe I'm telling you."

"You're fine, come here."

I sigh and snuggle up, still wondering as to why Fabio sees monkeys.

. . .

The next day, I get up to inspect. I see footprints all around the camp, and I know for certain they're new. I take Fabio's hand and show him. "I'm not crazy babe look!"

He looks at me, nothing going on upstairs. "I wish I knew what you meant."

I practically snuff his face in the tracks. "Those asshole."

"Someone's footprints? They probably just went and took a shit last night." he says.

I decide to go back to my tribe and ask them if any of them got up at all in the middle of the night. They all say no.

"See? I told you!" I shout in Fabio's face.

"Ight chill" he says.

"Whatever" I say. "Tell the monkey in your head to work a little harder. Dumbass."

He starts crying.

"Stop fucking crying. Stop it right now Fabio." I say. It only makes him cry harder. He starts going off about how he misses his mommy, excuses excuses.

I scoff and roll my eyes at his foolishness and storm off in the opposite direction, leaving Fabio a crying mess.

I don't know where I'm headed or how long I've been walking for. I start hearing footsteps and rustling in the leaves near me. I swear to god if this nigga followed me out here.

"FABIO" I screech. "Go away I ain't in the mood."

Then I hear them pick up the pace. Rapidly coming towards me is a dirty old Pakistani man with elephant ears and a limp.

"Ey bb" he says.

"Who the fuck are you?" I say to the man.

"Lemme take you bb" the strange man says.

"Take me where exactly?" I ask.

Instead of saying anything else, he's suddenly grabbing me and running off somewhere with me in his arms. I begin screaming for help but I don't think anyone can hear me. Suddenly the ground opens up and he throws me in a hole. He jumps down inside with me and presses a button. Lights turn on and the trap door closes.

I look around and notice it's just a cave with one dingy light in the corner and a mattress on the ground. The man starts speaking to me.

"How you doin bb my name's Iszo. Lemme take you right here."

"Absolutely not you crusty foul beast." Before I can turn around and walk away, I feel something curl around my wrist and pull me backwards. I look to my wrist. It's the man's long brown schlong. I try swatting it away but he wont release his grip.

I slide into him and he whispers in my ear, "ohmygodbb." He grabs my nipple really hard and gets mad when he discovers it's not there.

"I thought you was a virgin huh?" he says.

"Absolutely not!" I say.

Iszo handcuffs me to the mattress. He says, "stay here bb. I'll be back in a few hours. Don't move bb."