ISTTIMI

CHAPTER 58: FOREVER'S NOT OUR THING

The next day, Minhyuk went to our house himself. Mom and dad had no idea about what's going on between the two of us so they let us stay inside mom's study to talk.

We sat on the couch facing each other. And like before - like the first time we met - there was distance between us.

"I'm sorry." was the first words he said to me, his watery eyes looking straight at me. "Kihyun told me that Manager Moon talked to you yesterday."

I tried maintaining an expressionless face. "What else did he say?"

He shook his head. "He didn't tell me more. And I want to hear it from you."

"Manager Moon said that you only told me that you're interested in me because you need something to write about for you to debut." I clenched my jaw. "That you agreed to help So Hyun at the cost of our relationship and that you're rebelling against your management."

Minhyuk closed his eyes shut and breathed hard. "I'm sorry that I lied, Soo." He reached out for my hand but I pulled mine away before he could even touch it. "I fell for you. I fell for real."

"You used me, Minhyuk." I spat. "You took advantage of my vulnerability. I thought you were really interested in me - for who I am - and I even believed everything you said since that day."

Minhyuk moved closer to me, reaching for my hand. I let him hold it, giving up. Because despite us starting from a lie, he still helped Taehyung. He still helped me get over my fear. I still love him. "I'll do anything to make it up to you. I promise I won't lie to you."

I chuckled bitterly. I heard those words from his brother too. "I'm done with promises this time. I don't want any promises again. Promises just disappoint me. People just disappoint me."

"Jisoo, you can't just give up on us."

"You know what? I can actually forgive you for lying to me, if given some time. But Minhyuk, you just debuted. That's also enough reason for us to end this. Don't waste your hard work with someone like me, please." I told him. "Don't just throw away the opportunity that you just got."

"But we just started, Soo." Minhyuk said with a shaky voice.

"You accepted that help from your manager. You went along with him." I said softly. "Don't break another promise."

He nodded slowly with a dejected look, finally agreeing with me. "I'm sorry."

"If you can't say it, then I'll be the one." I paused and sighed heavily. "Let's break up."

He looked up. "Are you sure about this? Can't we really make it work?" he asked, so soft that it was like a whisper, almost pleading.

If rumors continue, crazy fans of his might dig in my private life too, and God knows how much information fans could dig about one person.

I don't want the spotlight yet, especially behind someone famous already - much like how Minhyuk felt pressured when he was compared to his father.

I want to be an actress but I still have years to improve and prove myself on my own. Being with Minhyuk will not only shatter his dream, mine too.

"Are you willing to let go of your dream instead?" I asked him. He couldn't answer. "You know what's the best thing we should do." For the second time, Minhyuk nodded. He was just waiting for this moment to come. I bit my lip and tried to smile. "I'm sorry. Your management wants you to focus on your work. I want you to do that too. I'm just in the way."

"You're not in the way, Soo" He held my hand with his two hands, "But is our relationship not that worth it?"

I shook my head and stared at our hands. "It is. If we're both just average students trying to get a degree and pursue a field that's not requiring being followed by reporters every now and then." My throat ached as I tried hard not to cry but seeing those tears trickling down his cheeks hurt me. I couldn't bear seeing someone cry in front of me. "Sasaengs scare me, Minhyuk. You have a company that can protect you, I don't have one. Even when you're confident that your company can protect us, I don't think they'd do that for us every time someone catches us together. I can't just rely on you and your company to save my face." I said. "I'd like to enjoy my college life without being followed. I want to start my career with me getting recognized as an actress, not as someone's girlfriend."

His hold of my hand loosened. "Okay, if that's what you want. I.. I'll live with that."

I gave him a small smile. "Good luck on your career."

Before he left, Minhyuk pulled me into a hug. If we weren't breaking up at the moment, I would have hugged him tighter. I would have stayed in his arms forever. But his warmth isn't what I should need anymore.

I'm on my own again.

That night both felt like an eternity and a fleeting memory. I want to stay with him but I want to forget about this too, whatever we started.

I couldn't sleep. The clock on my bedside table showed that it was already 11:30 in the evening. My brothers are probably still awake playing games or watching anime series in their own rooms. That's what they usually do during school breaks. Before college started, I was usually on the phone with Taehyung until midnight, talking about whatever stuff we could think about at the moment. But I can't call him now - he's not my best friend anymore.

I sat up on my bed, curling my knees to my chest.

Breaking up is the best decision for us. I know he knew it was coming to an end too - both of us knew - but we just let our relationship get dragged until one of us made a mistake. It felt unnecessary to say things we already knew. But sometimes, saying things out loud makes things more real, makes people feel something really is real.

We needed to break up one way or another.

He's a debuted artist. I'm just a student who has years to learn more about the world of entertainment.

To be honest, I wasn't ready yet.

Us breaking up is more of my fault than his work.

I'm sorry, Minhyuk.

I sighed. The sadness came but also the relief followed as the realization finally sank that my relationship with Minhyuk really came to an end.