armour (minsung)

chapter 10

the gratitude i felt for the three of them was large, but not unbelievable, they deserved much, much more than i could ever show them.

i would have understood if they didn't allow me into their familial bubble. i did not expect them to let me in at all.

or anyone, on that note.

but the atmosphere in that house was something that i had not felt in quite a long time.

homely.

and in all honesty, it caused various emotions to blossom in my chest. it was almost as if my heart was a dormant volcano; sleeping for a long time, and a change of pace, a change of place, a change of home, awoke it again. the numbness which was my constant companion was long gone and half forgotten.

firstly, i was happy. very, very happy, i finally had a safe shelter, i had friends who, i hoped and wished, would one day become a family; a better one than what i had a few days ago.

secondly, i was a little remorseful. a little, not too much, but that emotion was present. remorse for letting my mother meet her fate. all things aside, she is my mother. she gave me a home and a family for the first sixteen years of my life.

and mostly, i felt scared. scared, because i thought that they would get me to leave. they would abandon me like my father did. or worse, treat me like my mother.

it was unnecessary, and a little stupid, to be honest, but i could not let my guard down, i just want protect myself, preserve myself.

i wouldn't want to get hurt.

not again. 

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it hurt me.

it hurt me so bad to see him sitting there, so lost in his thoughts and tear tracks on his cheeks.

i wanted nothing more than to go to him, wrap my arms around his shoulders, and tell him that nothing is wrong; that i'm there for him. and i always will be.

but privacy is a thing that should be respected.

it should be up to him whether he wants to share his struggles with me. or anyone for that matter.

i neither wanted to nor intended to pry.

but the hurt. oh god, the hurt.

the nights i had to lay in bed, pretending to be asleep, when he cries himself to sleep. it hurts. it hurts so bad.

and that night was no different.

but that night, something changed.

i have absolutely no idea where the courage came from, or why, but when a particularly heart wrenching cry escaped him, i was already halfway across the room.

hurrying, i sat down on the edge of the bed, so as to not startle him. i quietly slipped in under the covers, and pulled him to my chest, hoping it would calm him down, to some extent at least.

the sobs came to an end after sometime, his breathing lax.

"am i worthless?"

i didn't reply. i couldn't.

instead i just hugged him closer. i forgot about boundaries for a hot minute, and kissed the top of his head, his hair tickling my nose.

i didn't mind, my sole concern was his happiness.

so when i woke up to my friends seeing us entangled with each other, i knew that i would take the blame.

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559 words

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guess who's back after a writer's block and a mini hiatus of 13 days?

i was out of station :')

the next chapter is,,, interesting.

i'll update again tomorrow.

yeet.